Better Mood
PMS is much better.
Throat still hurts, but delivery chicken soup is helping and Forrest got me Advil and Tylenol and vinegar potato chips to scratch my throat with. Thanks Forrest!
Kind of enjoying the whole rainy night thing too.
Friday, October 31, 2003
Happy Fucking Halloween
Every Halloween, I get the blues like regular people get 'em for Xmas. I just want everything to be so perfect and it used to be so important to me and now I just feel bleah.
I've got a really bad sore throat.
I've got PMS.
I had a lot of fun in Vancouver, but I'm having trouble adjusting to being online again now that I am home. It was making me nuts being without internet or cell phone, but I think maybe it was healthy. What if I am psychologically allergic to the internet? We are often addicted to the things we are allergic to.
If I am making so many new friends and my prospects are looking so up, why am I so depressed?
I know it is probably just a Halloween thing and a girl thing, but I'm so sad. I just don't want to have to be me.
Every Halloween, I get the blues like regular people get 'em for Xmas. I just want everything to be so perfect and it used to be so important to me and now I just feel bleah.
I've got a really bad sore throat.
I've got PMS.
I had a lot of fun in Vancouver, but I'm having trouble adjusting to being online again now that I am home. It was making me nuts being without internet or cell phone, but I think maybe it was healthy. What if I am psychologically allergic to the internet? We are often addicted to the things we are allergic to.
If I am making so many new friends and my prospects are looking so up, why am I so depressed?
I know it is probably just a Halloween thing and a girl thing, but I'm so sad. I just don't want to have to be me.
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Beer and Conversation
Went dive bar drinking tonight with someone I sort of know in a business context. Met him at a Sunset Strip party, but mostly know him online. Had a really great time. Talked about all sorts of different stuff.
And the evening ended better than the last one I had like that at that bar.
Last time I went there with a webmaster sorta person, I thought I was having this amazing great time and intense real conversation and, at the end of the night, the guy had a total temper tantrum and was like, well if you aren't going to fuck me or at least have me spend the night, then I guess I will see you at the next business convention.
The medication which is making my wisdom teeth sockets finally heal has the side effect of allowing me to drink alcohol again which I had developed something of an allergy to. I think I am really making up for lost time this week though.
Tales of Vancouver debauchery coming once I get more caught up on work.
Which reminds me that I better go watch this week's episode of The OC on TiVo now. I had some delightful sex earlier this evening, so I can't decide whether I will feel like masturbating to the show. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear.
Went dive bar drinking tonight with someone I sort of know in a business context. Met him at a Sunset Strip party, but mostly know him online. Had a really great time. Talked about all sorts of different stuff.
And the evening ended better than the last one I had like that at that bar.
Last time I went there with a webmaster sorta person, I thought I was having this amazing great time and intense real conversation and, at the end of the night, the guy had a total temper tantrum and was like, well if you aren't going to fuck me or at least have me spend the night, then I guess I will see you at the next business convention.
The medication which is making my wisdom teeth sockets finally heal has the side effect of allowing me to drink alcohol again which I had developed something of an allergy to. I think I am really making up for lost time this week though.
Tales of Vancouver debauchery coming once I get more caught up on work.
Which reminds me that I better go watch this week's episode of The OC on TiVo now. I had some delightful sex earlier this evening, so I can't decide whether I will feel like masturbating to the show. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear.
Monday, October 20, 2003
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Saturday, October 18, 2003
And I almost didn't go out tonight
So I was having one of those nights where if the question was would I like to go to an event or drive a nail through my hand, I would have asked, "What kind of nail?" (Bonus points if you know what that is an allusion to.)
But it was Tairrie's party and Tairrie can not be denied. She was showing a black and white video about the band which she directed plus the video for the single off the new album at this cool classic old Hollywood theatre in Los Angeles. So I had to go. I was dubious about the musical direction she was going in, but the single is really pretty good. Kind of a feminist Motorhead vibe. Going to have to listen to the rest of the CD she sent without a party in the background now. Forrest already gave it a whirl.
Saw a bunch of people I like. I need to remind myself that this often happens when I go out at night, so I can drag my ass off the computer more often and not be so freaked out about leaving the house. Okay, should probably do a post about this last week some time, but I have an afterparty I should get myself in gear for if I'm all into this leaving the house thing. Going to do an update for GothicSluts.com when I get back.
Here are some pix of my night out so far:
All right, time to hit 7/11 and then afterparty.
PS Some pix shot by Forrest Black and some by me. If any of these pix is of you, please feel free to grab it for your journal or whatever. :-)
So I was having one of those nights where if the question was would I like to go to an event or drive a nail through my hand, I would have asked, "What kind of nail?" (Bonus points if you know what that is an allusion to.)
But it was Tairrie's party and Tairrie can not be denied. She was showing a black and white video about the band which she directed plus the video for the single off the new album at this cool classic old Hollywood theatre in Los Angeles. So I had to go. I was dubious about the musical direction she was going in, but the single is really pretty good. Kind of a feminist Motorhead vibe. Going to have to listen to the rest of the CD she sent without a party in the background now. Forrest already gave it a whirl.
Saw a bunch of people I like. I need to remind myself that this often happens when I go out at night, so I can drag my ass off the computer more often and not be so freaked out about leaving the house. Okay, should probably do a post about this last week some time, but I have an afterparty I should get myself in gear for if I'm all into this leaving the house thing. Going to do an update for GothicSluts.com when I get back.
Here are some pix of my night out so far:
All right, time to hit 7/11 and then afterparty.
PS Some pix shot by Forrest Black and some by me. If any of these pix is of you, please feel free to grab it for your journal or whatever. :-)
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Monday, October 13, 2003
Stir Crazy
I talk to people all the time, but I feel profoundly lonely.
I'm bouncing off the walls.
I just want to go for a beer with someone who is not there primarily to fuck my pussy or my business.
But I live in Los Angeles.
So I am going to go try out a new gym now. Given that my trainer is in Moscow doing an action movie right now, I am not so keen on my old gym. The new gym is endorsed by John Leguizamo and he looked pretty ripped in that prizefighter movie he just did for cable.
I talk to people all the time, but I feel profoundly lonely.
I'm bouncing off the walls.
I just want to go for a beer with someone who is not there primarily to fuck my pussy or my business.
But I live in Los Angeles.
So I am going to go try out a new gym now. Given that my trainer is in Moscow doing an action movie right now, I am not so keen on my old gym. The new gym is endorsed by John Leguizamo and he looked pretty ripped in that prizefighter movie he just did for cable.
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Friday, October 10, 2003
Classic Stock
Went out last night to journalist event. They actually let stock photographers in and I don't think anyone explained to the performers what stock photography means. Plan was to cover the event for a certain fetish magazine I work closely with. But the event is sort of being weird about whether or not they want to cover us for guest list and whether they want to charge us to shoot or some bullshit. Only I can cover whatever I want for that magazine. So I may skip said event. Depends what they say today.
I think it is really weird how many people do not understand that I do what I do for love and not money. Niceness and personality count. If I care about someone and I believe in what they are doing, I will give them press and make them famous. Yes, a subject has to be interesting, but, if I'm not motivated to cover that subject, I almost always have the freedom to skip it or cover someone or something else. Town Car or not, I am still punk at heart and pretty much impossible to force to do anything.
Yes, I know a lot of people just give the press payoffs and then they don't have to be nice and the publications don't have to pay more than dirt. Apologies if I still believe in journalistic integrity.
Which reminds me. Someone I know met Bonzo from emobeaverhunt last night. Dude wanted me to have a drink with him a while back to see how nice he is and then, when I said okay, told me he was most free around Halloween. I don't drink with anyone who has more free time around Halloween than other times. Apparently, he was really busy last night because he sat by himself instead of coming over and asking if I wanted to have that drink. Did I mention we were all already in a bar?
Met new cool folks including amberray from livejournal and Delirium who I think darenzia referred to me. Gotta check my email to see, if I end up shooting Delirium. Talked to a bunch of cool people I knew already. Might have been kinda useless from a journalistic perspective, but I had a good time.
Not sorry I skipped godhead last night, but sorta think maybe I should have hit Bouncing Souls.
Came home and worked until 6am. Watched Family Guy on TiVo. Woke up too early. Going to take a hot bath and sack back out for a few hours.
Went out last night to journalist event. They actually let stock photographers in and I don't think anyone explained to the performers what stock photography means. Plan was to cover the event for a certain fetish magazine I work closely with. But the event is sort of being weird about whether or not they want to cover us for guest list and whether they want to charge us to shoot or some bullshit. Only I can cover whatever I want for that magazine. So I may skip said event. Depends what they say today.
I think it is really weird how many people do not understand that I do what I do for love and not money. Niceness and personality count. If I care about someone and I believe in what they are doing, I will give them press and make them famous. Yes, a subject has to be interesting, but, if I'm not motivated to cover that subject, I almost always have the freedom to skip it or cover someone or something else. Town Car or not, I am still punk at heart and pretty much impossible to force to do anything.
Yes, I know a lot of people just give the press payoffs and then they don't have to be nice and the publications don't have to pay more than dirt. Apologies if I still believe in journalistic integrity.
Which reminds me. Someone I know met Bonzo from emobeaverhunt last night. Dude wanted me to have a drink with him a while back to see how nice he is and then, when I said okay, told me he was most free around Halloween. I don't drink with anyone who has more free time around Halloween than other times. Apparently, he was really busy last night because he sat by himself instead of coming over and asking if I wanted to have that drink. Did I mention we were all already in a bar?
Met new cool folks including amberray from livejournal and Delirium who I think darenzia referred to me. Gotta check my email to see, if I end up shooting Delirium. Talked to a bunch of cool people I knew already. Might have been kinda useless from a journalistic perspective, but I had a good time.
Not sorry I skipped godhead last night, but sorta think maybe I should have hit Bouncing Souls.
Came home and worked until 6am. Watched Family Guy on TiVo. Woke up too early. Going to take a hot bath and sack back out for a few hours.
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
I need food badly, but I'm just not hungry
This is not really accurate. I am actually the little guy from Robotron who has to shoot half the things around him in precisely the right pattern while saving the other half of the things around him. And likely to meet an untimely demise.
Robotron wasn't after 1985 was it?
 I am a Gauntlet Adventurer.I strive to improve my living conditions by hoarding gold, food, and sometimes keys and potions. I love adventure, fighting, and particularly winning - especially when there's a prize at stake. I occasionally get lost inside buildings and can't find the exit. I need food badly. What Video Game Character Are You? |
This is not really accurate. I am actually the little guy from Robotron who has to shoot half the things around him in precisely the right pattern while saving the other half of the things around him. And likely to meet an untimely demise.
Robotron wasn't after 1985 was it?
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Friday Night Pix
Szandora's flight got in at nine and we rushed to put our party hats on and hit the town. I borrowed a snapshot camera from a friend and I'm thinking I totally need to buy one of those little stealth ones. I want more goofing around fun pix of me and the mischief I get into.
If you are in any of this images, please feel free to snarf them to post in your own journal or blog. :-)
Szandora's flight got in at nine and we rushed to put our party hats on and hit the town. I borrowed a snapshot camera from a friend and I'm thinking I totally need to buy one of those little stealth ones. I want more goofing around fun pix of me and the mischief I get into.
If you are in any of this images, please feel free to snarf them to post in your own journal or blog. :-)
VOTE
Don't forget to vote today if you live in California. Your polling place will almost certainly have changed, so you will want to look at your official sample ballot or visit http://www.lavote.net/.
The place I always vote had changed who could vote there. They had stationed all older adults who didn't really speak English and one very young girl who did. They tried to coerce me into putting my vote in a "Provisional Ballot" which is a pink envelope that has a checkbox in it for Count or Don't Count, so they can decide whether to count your vote. The explanation on the side of the envelope seems to indicate that, unless you moved or something, your vote will not count if you just happened to go to the wrong place. Another woman who was there told me that she had her polling place changed and told me the nearby street my new polling place probably was. The people working there tried to discourage me from going there. I went home to check where I was supposed to be and then went to the correct place to cast my vote so that it would be properly counted. I pressed hard and I made sure there were no hanging chads and I compared the numbers punched out with what I had pressed in the ballot.
I thought it was sort of weird how open the voting booths were for this election. I'm pretty sure we are supposed to have secret ballots. I don't much care in this case, except on principle. I voted NO on the recall. I don't think our governor should spend all his time running for office. We already have an election process to replace the guy if we don't like him. Adding extra elections is just a waste of money when it is not like the guy is a genocidal baby raper.
I thought it was cool that I could vote against the recall and also vote for a candidate for governor if the recall did succeed. I voted for Larry Flynt. I voted against spending more money and I voted for prohibiting government classifying people according to race etc.
Whether you would vote the way I did or not, if you are a Californian and an American, you should hit the polls today because it is really important to our way of life. More so now than ever, with all the oddness we have had with recent elections. Exercise your rights and keep your rights.
Don't forget to vote today if you live in California. Your polling place will almost certainly have changed, so you will want to look at your official sample ballot or visit http://www.lavote.net/.
The place I always vote had changed who could vote there. They had stationed all older adults who didn't really speak English and one very young girl who did. They tried to coerce me into putting my vote in a "Provisional Ballot" which is a pink envelope that has a checkbox in it for Count or Don't Count, so they can decide whether to count your vote. The explanation on the side of the envelope seems to indicate that, unless you moved or something, your vote will not count if you just happened to go to the wrong place. Another woman who was there told me that she had her polling place changed and told me the nearby street my new polling place probably was. The people working there tried to discourage me from going there. I went home to check where I was supposed to be and then went to the correct place to cast my vote so that it would be properly counted. I pressed hard and I made sure there were no hanging chads and I compared the numbers punched out with what I had pressed in the ballot.
I thought it was sort of weird how open the voting booths were for this election. I'm pretty sure we are supposed to have secret ballots. I don't much care in this case, except on principle. I voted NO on the recall. I don't think our governor should spend all his time running for office. We already have an election process to replace the guy if we don't like him. Adding extra elections is just a waste of money when it is not like the guy is a genocidal baby raper.
I thought it was cool that I could vote against the recall and also vote for a candidate for governor if the recall did succeed. I voted for Larry Flynt. I voted against spending more money and I voted for prohibiting government classifying people according to race etc.
Whether you would vote the way I did or not, if you are a Californian and an American, you should hit the polls today because it is really important to our way of life. More so now than ever, with all the oddness we have had with recent elections. Exercise your rights and keep your rights.
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Friday, October 03, 2003
test grabbed from mikecreep
Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test
Okay, now I am realy going to try to go to bed again.
| ESFP - "Entertainer". Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 13% of the total population. |
Okay, now I am realy going to try to go to bed again.
Meltdown
I think I am having some sort of weird meltdown. I'm really happy that my wisdom teeth sockets are finally healing up and everything. I'm really happy that I'm feeling healthier all around. I'm really happy I was able to do a good workout and push myself. But feeling healthy and ready to go out in the world after feeling sick and underwater and in pain for so long . . . well, it seems like it should be all good, but I'm having trouble adjusting.
I feel weirdly young and out of place, like some sort of time traveller.
I know how crazy that sounds, but feeling better is freaking me out. I'm supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow, so maybe I will ask if how I'm reacting is normal. Of course, my period is due sometime today or in the next few days, so that might have something to do with why I'm feeling so loopy.
I think I am having some sort of weird meltdown. I'm really happy that my wisdom teeth sockets are finally healing up and everything. I'm really happy that I'm feeling healthier all around. I'm really happy I was able to do a good workout and push myself. But feeling healthy and ready to go out in the world after feeling sick and underwater and in pain for so long . . . well, it seems like it should be all good, but I'm having trouble adjusting.
I feel weirdly young and out of place, like some sort of time traveller.
I know how crazy that sounds, but feeling better is freaking me out. I'm supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow, so maybe I will ask if how I'm reacting is normal. Of course, my period is due sometime today or in the next few days, so that might have something to do with why I'm feeling so loopy.
Dangers of the internet: your old girlfriends will know you got funny-looking
So I can't sleep. So I just googled every guy I ever had sexual intercourse with. The only one I still sleep with is mighty fine and the rest who I no longer sleep with . . . or speak with . . . well, the years have not been kind. I feel a really rude desire to post photographic evidence of this, but I think a few of the people on my friends list know some of the parties and might think I'm a bitch.
So I can't sleep. So I just googled every guy I ever had sexual intercourse with. The only one I still sleep with is mighty fine and the rest who I no longer sleep with . . . or speak with . . . well, the years have not been kind. I feel a really rude desire to post photographic evidence of this, but I think a few of the people on my friends list know some of the parties and might think I'm a bitch.
I'll be back
So my trainer is apparently in Moscow acting in a movie. I was worried when his wife called me that maybe he was having some horrible family thing where someone was dying slowly of cancer or something. Given that he is originally from Russia and all. I'm really psyched for him that he is doing what he wants to do. And relieved that it wasn't something awful.
Apparently, he should be returning to training at least a few clients, although it is not definite. Didn't really like the people at the gym today. Their new manager tried to hard sell me a long term membership even when I told her pretty strongly that it didn't fit my lifestyle. She finally got me to agree, but then the contract was really long and I'd been out all day and wanted to get home before the chicken soup takeout I bought got totally cold. So I told her I wanted to read the contract, maybe have an attorney glance at it, and she got totally hostile and insisted on writing VOID on it before I took it and acted like I was being a giant jerk for not wanting to commit. Hate to date her.
Think I may try another gym for now. There is another 24 hour one right across the street from the one I use. Good things about Los Angeles. Felt pretty good to be able to work out really hard. Konstantin would have gotten me to do more sit-ups though. I really don't like sit-ups.
So my trainer is apparently in Moscow acting in a movie. I was worried when his wife called me that maybe he was having some horrible family thing where someone was dying slowly of cancer or something. Given that he is originally from Russia and all. I'm really psyched for him that he is doing what he wants to do. And relieved that it wasn't something awful.
Apparently, he should be returning to training at least a few clients, although it is not definite. Didn't really like the people at the gym today. Their new manager tried to hard sell me a long term membership even when I told her pretty strongly that it didn't fit my lifestyle. She finally got me to agree, but then the contract was really long and I'd been out all day and wanted to get home before the chicken soup takeout I bought got totally cold. So I told her I wanted to read the contract, maybe have an attorney glance at it, and she got totally hostile and insisted on writing VOID on it before I took it and acted like I was being a giant jerk for not wanting to commit. Hate to date her.
Think I may try another gym for now. There is another 24 hour one right across the street from the one I use. Good things about Los Angeles. Felt pretty good to be able to work out really hard. Konstantin would have gotten me to do more sit-ups though. I really don't like sit-ups.
Whack a Goth
Forrest found this for me on some SF list.
I scored a 76 on my first try. I think I might have anger issues.
Forrest found this for me on some SF list.
I scored a 76 on my first try. I think I might have anger issues.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Existential
Just drove around for an hour and a half trying to chart out some site stuff and priorities. I really just want to crawl out of my head. I feel like a confused teenager. I want a break from being me, but without all the inconveniences of acting out of character. I'm kind of awake, but I think I might try finding something funny on TiVo and going to sleep. Maybe I will be able to think straight tomorrow, after some decent rest.
Just drove around for an hour and a half trying to chart out some site stuff and priorities. I really just want to crawl out of my head. I feel like a confused teenager. I want a break from being me, but without all the inconveniences of acting out of character. I'm kind of awake, but I think I might try finding something funny on TiVo and going to sleep. Maybe I will be able to think straight tomorrow, after some decent rest.
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