Listening to old NIN and Skold right now. This is the sort of thing which swayed me from a Rules of Attraction life. Probably a good thing. Except for the dough I guess.

Please pass the existential angst and the mirror and a line of 80's optimism. . .

Just watched Rules of Attraction on DVD. Sort of shot some promo for it, which supposedly their PR people loved, so I figured I should see the actual flick sooner or later. I really liked the book when I read it, which was while I was attending a small New England university. I liked the book so much that I kept reading other books by Bret Easton Ellis with the notion that it was conceivable I would like another one. Generally, his characters have such ennui that I get bored and distracted part way through and am as unmotivated as his characters to finish their lives. Yes, there are a few hilarious moments in American Psycho, but they are early on and I finally got too bored to read every long-ass description of male cosmetic products and sex murders. And I was reading American Psycho on a really dull contract assignment, which I was grotesquely overqualified for, or I probably would have gotten less far into the book.

Still I loved Rules of Attraction. The movie didn't feel that related to the book. One of my favorite scenes in the book involves the main character trying dispiritedly to jerk off to Playboy and realizing that these women who once seemed sophisticated, older, and out of reach were now younger than he is. In the movie, he just makes a quick reference to jerking off to internet porn which didn't exist at the time the book was written. But either way it was an entertaining movie. Eric Stoltz gets a "hummer" and I've never seen Ian Somerhalder before, but damn is he fucking hot.

I think they should make a Scarface consummables game for Rules of Attraction the movie. Gotta drink Jack when the characters do, masturbate when they do, videotape fucking, abstain from meaningful sex, complain about the essential loneliness of the human condition when they do, do lines until you nose bleeds, and tell your game playing companions to act out the following scene from the movie:

Rupert: Ya want some coke?
Sean Bateman: Um. Sure.
Rupert: Then get some of your own, bitch!

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My neck hurts. A lot. :-(

Just posted this to a community I just rejoined, but figured I might post it here too:



What they heck, I thought I would post something on-theme. This is a snapshot of Lunabella and my partner in mischief Forrest Black dueling with fuzzy bird puppets. This was shot in our booth where we were exhibiting for Blue Blood and SWAG and some other stuff. The puppets from Ugly Shyla and her mom were truly highlights of the experience.

I was rear-ended in a car accident earlier this week and fuck but my neck hurts. Well, sort of the base of my neck and tippy top of my back to be specific. OW. Please pass the kava kava and epson salts. Gaia Herbs makes a high quality liquid herbal extract in an easy to swallow gelatin capsule by the way.

I can't decide if I should have the guy who hit the car just pay the bazillion dollars to fix the bumper or if I should go through the whole medical thing with his insurance. I hate to make someone else's insurance go up, but I sure feel horrible. Actually, emotionally I'm feeling pretty good -- perhaps from all the high quality kava kava -- but physically I feel like . . . well . . . like I've been in a car accident.

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This is a picture of Silvia Saint from Leg World:



Forrest and I shot some stuff for Leg World back a while. The thing I liked best about that was having an excuse to buy amazingly cool hosiery. Anyone have any idea where I could find some legwear like Silvia Saint is wearing here? I might want to shoot for Leg World again. Okay, okay, really I just want them. So stockings store recommendations?

To go to San Francisco now or not to go to San Francisco now? That is the question.

Here is some recent work from a shoot Forrest Black and I did on a recent trip to Las Vegas. It currently resides on BlueBlood.net and there is more from this set which is nice and naughty.



I wish we had more opportunities to shoot guys who look like this and I wish there were more venues to display cool photographs of gents.

--Amelia G

Okay, the ducks are not the only graveyard stars. ;-)



Off to my first of two photo shoots scheduled for today . . .

My girl Szandora is in town, so she and Forrest Black and I headed out to see our friends from Dead Girls Corp play at Bar Sinister. Come to think of it, Grantor was in town from the UK last week for E3 and we also went to Bar Sinister then. Can't establish a pattern now. Here is a photo Tim took of me last week at the club (by the way, Tim positioned my finger and I am not actually flipping off Grantor):



Got to see really a lot of friends last night and met a bunch of new people including an LJ person who probably has a wicked hangover right about now (feel better.) It was a good turnout. TC gave me some good news about her new album. Met Toddy T's mom who had come out to the show and she told me how much she liked the photo Forrest and I took of Jen Vixen and Toddy for SWAG. For some reason, parents always really like our photos of their kids. Given that we shoot weirdos like ourselves, I don't know what intangible property about our portraits makes parents happier about them than anyone else's pictures, but I think it is a really good thing. Makes me very happy. Now if I could just get my parents to be vaguely impressed by . . . well, anything. I remember one of the last times I visited my parents in DC before my mom sort of retired and my dad was complaining about her coworkers holding up her schedule because they felt so impressed with themselves about the fact that they were having long meetings at the White House every night. So, basically, not holding my breath on the impressometer. Anyway, Szandora and Forrest and I managed to drag our asses out of the afterparty by the nice early hour of 4am so we would all be chipper to shoot today. Apparently my body has forgotten how to sleep properly and I have been up since 7:30am for no particular reason. Hmm, must forage for coffee and foodlike sustenance.

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Robot Amelia Feels Sickened
Wow, I just posted something of personal importance to me. The folks who usually read my journal may be interested in my thoughts and my real life friends may care. Maybe people will comment with their perspectives. Kind of a cool system.

Only, as I hit post, I thought about the fact that some lawyer is likely reading it with an eye out for anything he can pounce on to ruin yet another day. Not that there was anything incriminating in it, but it makes me feel so self-conscious and ready to second-guess myself on anything I want to say.

It makes me feel sick. It makes me feel like not keeping a journal.

It makes me feel like I'm being pushed to just be some sort of creative machine. I feel like it is so extra-hard for me to just do regular person things. Between the stress and the weird watchful eyes, even though I was making a real effort to be sociable this week, I had a really horrible hit/miss ratio on my human contact. I'm hardly Madonna, so I really feel like I should have a bunch of houses and bodyguards before I have to deal with this garbage. Robot Amelia is supposed to create art people enjoy and support the scene and promote everyone in it and do favors for everyone in it, but I'm not supposed to be an actual person with actual feelings and thoughts.

The red pill or the blue pill?
A friend of mine mabe be about to go on an experimental antidepressant. I'm worried for him. All of that stuff gives me the willies. Culturally, it really bothers me that it is the goal of the brain care industry to make everyone functional but average. Want some Prozac? Just tell the nice shrink you are a lesbian. You'll be doped up in a jiffy. Hopefully, my friend will get the placebo in the experiment and just get hazard pay without the risk.

Okay, so I'm trying to get some work done. The Spooky Links links section needs an overhaul. I need to delete links which are no longer good and I need to upgrade the script and I need to go through a backlog of links in limbo to get them approved or contact the link owners for whatever is missing etc. I'm not going to comment on the two most recent links added because I'm not sure what I could add:








Maybe I will work on something else for a bit.

Ya know, back when I was doing BLT in DC, there were always people who assumed that any pithy observation about human nature in the zine was about them personally. This, despite the fact that it was a punk rock zine where I and my witty chums were all entirely willing to name names and would have specified as needed. This is not a publication. It is just my journal where I jot stuff down that is on my mind, maybe to amuse my friends, but mostly to get it out of my head and so I can remember what I was thinking later. But, without a doubt, multiple people will get a bee in their respective bonnets thinking this last post is about them. Which is actually pretty funny. If you have a pretty dark sense of humor. And you look at it just right.

--Amelia G

Feeling Guilty?

Wow, it is after midnight and I've pretty much done nothing so far today except let people get me down. Why do people who feel guilty about their own actions have to always add insult to injury? This is not a rhetorical question. I don't get it. I feel like maybe I should be more hostile when people do things to take advantage of me because, whenever I try to just let a slight slide, the guilty parties always have to be rude in addition to damaging. It is like they are sitting there waiting to be punished for their misdeeds, and they can't stand the suspense of waiting, so they have to push harder to provoke retaliation.

Argh

Wow, I feel a throbbing headache coming on. I have some yummy organic lactose-free milk and some new whole bean coffee and I think it is very called for right now. Do I know how to party or what?

Office Space

I just watched Office Space on Comedy Central. Even with commercials, that movie rocks my world. I think I am going to buy it on DVD and tape it to the wall some place very visible. So I remember to watch it whenever I feel down about my current existence.

--Amelia G

Quality Internet Surfing

I think it is important that the internet feature such items as fuckeminem.com The official website for young men torn between their desire to have sex with Eminem ... and their desire to tell Eminem to fuck off as Dido sings in the background complete with photos of Marshall Mathers flashing his ass. Not to mention galleries of girls getting electroshock orgasm therapy. Incidentally, if you are the sort of person who can read journals at work but is not allowed to look at naughty pictures at work, don't click on those links. Really. Don't.

--Amelia

Okay, just this one quiz:


very fucked.


what fucked version of hello kittie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mostly, I thought the graphic was so awesome that I had to post it.

Original ideas

I kind of like to keep a journal like this. With the internet, you can scream into the void and the void will give you feedback. I like that the networked nature of this allows me to keep in touch with friends who live far away and get to know new people I might not have met otherwise. But I hate the way there are people sitting there reading my daily thoughts to figure out what they should work on next. I start talking about wanting to do more on the sort of con circuit stuff I did on the east coast and looking for makeup artists who can do more fantastical stuff and it takes days before someone who reads my journal decides that that is their next creative move too.

Two weeks ago, I had some guy tell me that he thought I might think his site was a rip-off of Gothic Sluts but actually he got his domain three years before I launched Gothic Sluts and his idea was actually a riff on Blue Blood in print. Like I was supposed to be mollified by the idea that he thought of copying me earlier than I might have guessed. At the time, I noticed that he actually got his domain months after Gothic Sluts launched, but I like some other stuff the guy has done, so I didn't call him on it because I thought it would just annoy him to be caught. So, anyway, usually I don't really look at the specific names of who signs up, but last night I was working on some drudge work for the site and I see that this guy actually was a member of Gothic Sluts for months before he got his domain name much less launched his site.

I used to think it was really cool to be inspirational. Only I am really not into the thing where people are inspired by me and by what I create. And then they do something themselves. Which should mean that I get colleagues and people to chat about stuff I care about with and people to do cool projects with. But really means that then they get to act like they invented whatever they are doing and make things harder for me.

******

Hmm, I just got up from a nap. Feeling much better now. Don't really remember where I was going with this. If anyone is wondering why my patience is a lot shorter than usual, you can take a jaunt over to Forrest Black's journal where he has already quite eloquently laid out the situation.

--Amelia G

I meant to post this before.

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I just saw some more candid pictures of me taken in Vegas two weeks ago. I am so on a juice fast for the next couple of days and then I am going to make a new schedule with my personal trainer. I live in Los Angeles.

I had a really awesome shoot yesterday with Scar. She is such an excellent model and human being. I hope she won the contest she was in last night. She probably did.

Hmmm, perhaps a Scar and Szandora shoot . . .

Thought for the day:
Something I really detest about human nature is that a lot of people find it painful to be grateful, so they end up demonizing anyone who does them a favor which is too big to be repaid in kind. They do not understand the concept of appreciation or paying it forward, so they choose to be hateful instead of grateful.

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Okay, just made an appointment to see the surgeon again. Why can't I heal?

I had all four of my wisdom teeth out almost a year ago and the empty sockets still hurt like a bitch when it rains and around my time of the month and if I chew in the back of my mouth and if I get stressed out and clench or grind my teeth.

I went to an expensive Beverly Hills doctor who had worked on someone I know.

I got twilight anaesthsia for the removal which means you are sort of unconscious and should not remember it, but over time I keep remembering more of the surgery like a dream flowing back into your mind later in the day -- ONLY REALLY REALLY HORRIBLE. Every time I feel a twinge of pain in my jaw, it reminds me of the horror.

Beforehand, I asked them to put the IV in my left arm because, being an internet girl, I wanted to be able to use my mouse arm afterwards. They couldn't get a big enough vein on my left arm. After being stuck repeatedly unsuccessfully, I told them to go ahead and use the right. I ended up with giant bruised track marks all over both arms. So I looked like a junkie for some time afterwards. I also almost died afterwards because I had some kind of a reaction to the medication or the surgery atrauma and could not even keep water down for two days. I broke my sutures vomiting violently and wow did that hurt. Finally the doctor prescribed an antiemetic to keep me out of the ER.

Needless to say, no ability to eat food or swallow water means no pain killers. I had rented a bunch of summer blockbuster type movies to watch while zonked on painkillers after the surgery. I think Spielberg movies really lose something when you are wishing someone would amputate your head through the whole thing. I used to love mashed potatoes and now they disgust me because they were the first thing I tried to eat after the surgery. I will also never watch the Jurassic Park sequels now.

Okay, okay, I guess I could post some pretty pictures in my journal too. Here are two shots from my most recent shoot with my girl Szandora. The rest of them I just posted to GothicSluts.com She is conditioning the pink in her spectacular hair here. Szandora rules!





--Amelia G

Wow, it looks like Evil Dead 13.
I am bad at cleaning.
I hope that is not blood.
Err, I hope not all of that is blood.

So, I know LJ is probably a place where everyone will say talk about it, but . . .

If I disagree with someone on something or if someone disagrees with me, I prefer it if I can directly discuss my concern with the other person or they can directly discuss their concern with me. Matters discussed directly can be worked out. Problems can be solved.

I feel like, when there is a relationship between two people of even minor depth, then how could other people know all of the details. I mean, if you meet a celeb for five minutes and you tell people about it, you can supply all of the details of the interaction and someone listening to the story could be totally objective if you were totally honest and presented an unbiased account. See what I mean? Even that would be stretching it. But when two people have a long series of protracted interactions which combine artistic stuff and business stuff and personal stuff . . . well, I feel like it is pretty difficult for a third party to make a fair assessment of what went down without having to know a lot of details.

I also sort of tend to think that people who rush to announce "their side" in public, when there is an ongoing issue, well . . . I think those are guilty people who think that anyone who knew a complete account would know they are wrong. I suspect I am not the only person who thinks this way.

So, if someone posts or otherwise releases an incomplete and misleading statement about me, should I assume that people reading it or hearing it will know it is a load of rubbish? Should I release a more complete account of events? Should I pursue legal action, even if the person doesn't have any $$, just to make the point that I am in the right even though a win would be a moral victory only? Should I do nothing and fret about it without naming names in my LJ?

So, I just tried to take a quiz to see what level of hell I am banished to and it told me that it had been taken down for causing server load problems. Then I tried to take another one and it crashed my browser before telling me what Ralph Wiggums quote I am. I think the world is trying to tell me that it is fine with the fact that I don't do quiz posts.

Today is No Pants Day
Although every day is kinda No Pants Day around here, apparently May 2 is officially No Pants Day some places:
http://www.nopantsday.com/