Lazy Fucker

So I'm finally done with the last course of antibiotics, but I still feel like death in a blender. Just with less of a sore throat/can't breathe thing going on.

Got back the results of the last round of blood work and apparently I'm producing antibodies to some foods I would really rather not be. Apparently one of the reasons a low carb diet helps me is that my body produces antibodies to fight off wheat, yeast, and quinoa and to a lesser extent stuff like bananas. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

On a happy note, I am now documented as delightfully allergic to pinto beans and lima beans, both of which I have always loathed.

My period just started.

I'd really like to have a couple weeks where I was running at full steam. I told a friend on ICQ I just woke up and he called me a bum and, even though I generally adore him, I wanted to crawl through the monitor and break a bottle over his head. I hate, hate, hate not being able to work at proper superhuman capacity. I hate the weakness of my flesh. And I don't believe keeping a regular daytime schedule makes someone a harder worker, under the best of circumstances.

When I was younger, I could take a double courseload at a good school and get great grades and still have my parents tell me I was clearly lazy if I slept until noon on a particular day and thus returned a 10am call from them at 1pm. No matter that I had worked twenty hours the night before. I don't take weekends. I don't take holidays. Not Thanksgiving. Not my birthday. Nothing. And I still honestly believe somewhere inside that, if I were not such a lazy fucker, if I could just work a few more hours a day, then all my dreams would come true. That anything I lack is just because I'm not self-disciplined enough.

On one level, I know I can't think of anyone I know, my parents included, who I think works a bunch harder than I do. But, on another level, I think I probably just really screwed up taking these ten minutes to mention online that I'm still feeling under the weather. Like this is probably why I haven't really fulfilled my potential yet.