The internet makes it so that I feel like I can never talk anything out. I just keep any concern I have bottled up. Probably taking years off my life doing that, but I feel like I am always on trial. Other people can fuck up all the time, but I'm not allowed to have a five minute lapse in judgement. Then again, I guess I hold myself to a higher standard too.
Oh fuck it. I can't even make this post. I wanted this to be a personal journal, but everyone uses the stupid journaling services as public announcement boards these days. Which is better than the organized spam of myspace, but still, ugh. I wanted to have a journal for my not-ready-for-primetime thoughts and insights. I wanted to be able to get the kind of feedback I used to be able to get by walking into the living room of my punk rock group house. Only, if I post an idea for something I'm going to work on in the future, the people who read my journal for ideas all have to jump on my train. At least if I wait until after I've done the thing, then the trainjumpers are more obvious. But it sucks for getting useful input beforehand. Plus everyone reading assumes that everything must be about them personally and maybe they should either take offense or feel overly important or convince someone else to get bent out of shape or envious. And, because so many people use this as their be-all end-all form of communication with the world, people are unlikely to read an unfinished thought as the rough draft it is.
I had a wonderful Valentine's Day dinner. Got a couple of new site reviews and magazines articles about my stuff this week. Physical therapy went really well today. I got a bunch of new equipment in this week. I need new shoes and an espresso machine.
I need to interact with more people who are actually trying to be happy. I feel a lot of empathy and constantly interfacing with people who are rolling around in misery is really a bummer because my heart goes out to them. But some people just never stop having problems. They never make the effort to stop having problems. They never grasp the brass ring, even when I hand it to them.
