Saturday, March 26, 2005
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Nummy
I am eating leftovers of the best cheesecake ever. Lightly rasberry, slightly tart, barely carmelized on top, soft graham crust on the bottom. So good I may come just from eating it.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
BMFs Probably Hear This All the Time
So I check my MySpace acct earlier today, right before I left for physical therapy. I almost never log into MySpace, so the messages always tend to be waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of date by the time I read them. One of them read as follows:
"i know you hear this all the time but i wanted you to know that you and forest do such great work and really have an eye for what you do. the first time i saw a blue blood cover was soooooo many many years ago, i've been a fan ever since. thanks for doing what you do! :) "
I wrote back thanking the chick who had written it, but what I wanted to say was that I don't hear that nearly often enough and I wish people who were thinking it would say it. And say it to me, not just to their friends.
Then I went to physical therapy and Samuel L. Jackson was in the bed next to me. It is pretty normal to converse with both your own physical therapist and other therapists and patients in the room while you are getting worked on. Samuel L. Jackson was a very interesting conversationalist and oddly enough, although I would have thought I'd know that amazing voice anywhere, I did not realize who he was right off. There was a curtain between us. Not everyone uses curtains, but sometimes a therapist will pull them for someone who is getting kinda naked or wants privacy for whatever reason. At a certain point, I realized that Samuel L. Jackson's therapist was working on a body part which really required no nudity and it suddenly popped into my head that he had the curtain pulled because of fame and not nudity and it suddenly popped into my head who I was talking to. The conversation was still entertaining for the rest of the session.
After the curtains were all pulled, I went to pay and Samuel L. Jackson started doing this cute little dance routine once he was sort of on display again. I thought about telling him that he is one of my favorite actors of all time. Totally one of those guys like Christopher Walken or John Cusak where I will see just about anything if they are in it.
I thought about telling Samuel L. Jackson that I think he is blow-me-away charismatic and brilliant and a talented and versatile actor. But I figured he probably hears that all the time and it might seem weird or something. The irony of this is not lost on me.
"i know you hear this all the time but i wanted you to know that you and forest do such great work and really have an eye for what you do. the first time i saw a blue blood cover was soooooo many many years ago, i've been a fan ever since. thanks for doing what you do! :) "
I wrote back thanking the chick who had written it, but what I wanted to say was that I don't hear that nearly often enough and I wish people who were thinking it would say it. And say it to me, not just to their friends.
Then I went to physical therapy and Samuel L. Jackson was in the bed next to me. It is pretty normal to converse with both your own physical therapist and other therapists and patients in the room while you are getting worked on. Samuel L. Jackson was a very interesting conversationalist and oddly enough, although I would have thought I'd know that amazing voice anywhere, I did not realize who he was right off. There was a curtain between us. Not everyone uses curtains, but sometimes a therapist will pull them for someone who is getting kinda naked or wants privacy for whatever reason. At a certain point, I realized that Samuel L. Jackson's therapist was working on a body part which really required no nudity and it suddenly popped into my head that he had the curtain pulled because of fame and not nudity and it suddenly popped into my head who I was talking to. The conversation was still entertaining for the rest of the session.
After the curtains were all pulled, I went to pay and Samuel L. Jackson started doing this cute little dance routine once he was sort of on display again. I thought about telling him that he is one of my favorite actors of all time. Totally one of those guys like Christopher Walken or John Cusak where I will see just about anything if they are in it.
I thought about telling Samuel L. Jackson that I think he is blow-me-away charismatic and brilliant and a talented and versatile actor. But I figured he probably hears that all the time and it might seem weird or something. The irony of this is not lost on me.
Monday, March 21, 2005
SXSW Pictures
Here are some of the snapshots from my recent journey. The whole kit n' kaboodle are at http://www.blueblood.net/bb_139.html along with a more extensive write-up about the trip and conference in general. I just posted my more personal feelings in my personal journal in my last post, but there's a lot to tell.
The last shot is trying to look innocent after having accidentally turned on the gas and nearly killed the three hundred and something people at the house afterparty in question. Hee hee.
The last shot is trying to look innocent after having accidentally turned on the gas and nearly killed the three hundred and something people at the house afterparty in question. Hee hee.
Austin Was Fucking Awesome!!!!!
I should have gone to SXSW years ago. It was so cool to meet so many people from such huge successful web projects, people who have really been responsible for so much of what the internet is today.
It almost freaked me out how many of them totally remember Blue Blood in print and talked to me about how important they felt it was. I think I had sort of let myself fall into a mindset like maybe, if there were people who wanted to take credit for my accomplishments, then maybe nothing I have ever done really mattered much. It felt so good to have so many amazing people I respect so much tell me how happy they are that I am still creating, only online now.
Halcyon was a totally kickass tour guide and, as always, I find he improves my optimism. Fundamentally, I enjoy being a good person and, when people use that to try to chump me, it really makes me question everything I believe in. It was really nice for me and Forrest to get to hang out with Halcyon and Tassy and talk about not letting go of your own principles just because sometimes other people suck. Tassy totally rocks too. Halcyon told me his theory of optimism tax which I've been repeating under my breath like a little mantra. Optimism tax is the cost, the pain and loss of resources, which one experiences from time to time for believing the best about people and the world and occasionally having people and the world suck instead of being as good as you believed.
I'm going to fight where I need to, but I'm going to keep in mind that it is better to pay my optimism tax from time to time, if it means that I get to believe in good things on the front end. Other people can prove to me that I should have had less faith in them, but I'll let them do the job of being rotten downers and I'm going to look for the glass to be half full until shown otherwise.
It almost freaked me out how many of them totally remember Blue Blood in print and talked to me about how important they felt it was. I think I had sort of let myself fall into a mindset like maybe, if there were people who wanted to take credit for my accomplishments, then maybe nothing I have ever done really mattered much. It felt so good to have so many amazing people I respect so much tell me how happy they are that I am still creating, only online now.
Halcyon was a totally kickass tour guide and, as always, I find he improves my optimism. Fundamentally, I enjoy being a good person and, when people use that to try to chump me, it really makes me question everything I believe in. It was really nice for me and Forrest to get to hang out with Halcyon and Tassy and talk about not letting go of your own principles just because sometimes other people suck. Tassy totally rocks too. Halcyon told me his theory of optimism tax which I've been repeating under my breath like a little mantra. Optimism tax is the cost, the pain and loss of resources, which one experiences from time to time for believing the best about people and the world and occasionally having people and the world suck instead of being as good as you believed.
I'm going to fight where I need to, but I'm going to keep in mind that it is better to pay my optimism tax from time to time, if it means that I get to believe in good things on the front end. Other people can prove to me that I should have had less faith in them, but I'll let them do the job of being rotten downers and I'm going to look for the glass to be half full until shown otherwise.
Friday, March 11, 2005
On the Road Again
I am all packed.
My housesitter is on the way over.
I've even printed out directions to all airports involved.
I have the queasy feeling I am forgetting something, but I always feel that way before air travel. Not so much if I am going by car.
Guess I am on my way.
My housesitter is on the way over.
I've even printed out directions to all airports involved.
I have the queasy feeling I am forgetting something, but I always feel that way before air travel. Not so much if I am going by car.
Guess I am on my way.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
No Cognitive Dissonance for Me, Thanks
Who came up with the idea that punk equals two-faced? In the real world, pre-internet, I don't recall it being like that. But the internet has brought this whole injection of a charicature of Los Angeles fakeness to the scene.
People who actually live in Los Angeles and work in serious entertainment industry positions are good at playing the game. There is a certain breezy pleasantness to those plastic Angelenos who do it really well which I actually totally enjoy. You do well. You give some people the hookup. You are friendly when you run into people. All goes well. It is clear how to have good manners with people like that and it is comfortable although not deep. But you know it is not deep, so no harm no foul.
But what is up with the whole gothic/punk/alt/fetish/etc. community online? The thing seems to have spawned these mean-spirited people who think they are Joan Crawford on a devilish, back-stabbing, child-beating bender. They are not actually competing for the lead role in a major motion picture, but they will say the most appalling things about people they pretend to be friends with.
I say "pretend to be friends with", but I think that is where I just really disconnect. They really are friends by their definitions. I think that someone who talks trash with an aura of authority is not a friend. I do not have the ability to cope with the cognitive dissonance of hanging out with someone who I know in my heart is a terrible person. But there are people I come across regularly online who I would never hang out with on purpose in real life. I think a friend should be someone you can depend on, someone who will give you a shoulder to cry on or a pep talk, someone who will genuinely not want to hear someone speak ill of you, someone who will take joy in your triumphs, someone who you always want to do right by because you both know that, if the situations were reversed, they would do the same for you.
A bunch of people I'm not even thinking of right now are indubitably going to be amazingingly personally offended by this little post about what I am contemplating this minute. A bunch of people who might fit what I am talking about completely will indubitably read this and think that they sure know some other people who are like this.
Basically, I am unwilling to lie to myself. If it is obvious that someone is not really a friend, then the relationship needs to be either casual or nonexistent. There is nothing wrong with having positive acquaintances who are fun to interact with and where you both know that you best call someone else if you need bail. That is casual. But the number of people in the scene who have to lie to themselves and lie BIG in order to stand the people around them, even after six shots and two lines . . . well, I think they would be happier if they admitted to themselves what they truly know already: the people they call friends are not their friends.
A friend is not someone who simply sounds more authoritative when they make up smack talk, after trying to get your parents to disinherit you, after trying to fuck your significant other, after trying to sell your proprietary biz info to competitiors, after telling everyone how very much they wish your life would suck and how much they would like to kill you.
Friends. Learn the definition, people.
/rambling stream of consciousness post
People who actually live in Los Angeles and work in serious entertainment industry positions are good at playing the game. There is a certain breezy pleasantness to those plastic Angelenos who do it really well which I actually totally enjoy. You do well. You give some people the hookup. You are friendly when you run into people. All goes well. It is clear how to have good manners with people like that and it is comfortable although not deep. But you know it is not deep, so no harm no foul.
But what is up with the whole gothic/punk/alt/fetish/etc. community online? The thing seems to have spawned these mean-spirited people who think they are Joan Crawford on a devilish, back-stabbing, child-beating bender. They are not actually competing for the lead role in a major motion picture, but they will say the most appalling things about people they pretend to be friends with.
I say "pretend to be friends with", but I think that is where I just really disconnect. They really are friends by their definitions. I think that someone who talks trash with an aura of authority is not a friend. I do not have the ability to cope with the cognitive dissonance of hanging out with someone who I know in my heart is a terrible person. But there are people I come across regularly online who I would never hang out with on purpose in real life. I think a friend should be someone you can depend on, someone who will give you a shoulder to cry on or a pep talk, someone who will genuinely not want to hear someone speak ill of you, someone who will take joy in your triumphs, someone who you always want to do right by because you both know that, if the situations were reversed, they would do the same for you.
A bunch of people I'm not even thinking of right now are indubitably going to be amazingingly personally offended by this little post about what I am contemplating this minute. A bunch of people who might fit what I am talking about completely will indubitably read this and think that they sure know some other people who are like this.
Basically, I am unwilling to lie to myself. If it is obvious that someone is not really a friend, then the relationship needs to be either casual or nonexistent. There is nothing wrong with having positive acquaintances who are fun to interact with and where you both know that you best call someone else if you need bail. That is casual. But the number of people in the scene who have to lie to themselves and lie BIG in order to stand the people around them, even after six shots and two lines . . . well, I think they would be happier if they admitted to themselves what they truly know already: the people they call friends are not their friends.
A friend is not someone who simply sounds more authoritative when they make up smack talk, after trying to get your parents to disinherit you, after trying to fuck your significant other, after trying to sell your proprietary biz info to competitiors, after telling everyone how very much they wish your life would suck and how much they would like to kill you.
Friends. Learn the definition, people.
/rambling stream of consciousness post
Success
I made a really good New Years resolution this year and it's really put a lot of things into perspective. I didn't promise myself I would lose weight or anything like that. I just made a pact with myself to stop feeling bad about success. I never thought I would be one of those fear of success people, but I didn't understand how anti-success so much of my community is. So I resolved to stop feeling bad about success, stop being afraid of success, stop apologizing for my success, and generally stop letting other people make me feel sad about my success. Success should bring feelings of joy and gratitude. I worked for it. I earned it. And I still appreciate the world around me when things go my way.
Joy, happiness, pleasure, gratitude, appreciation, and a general sense of well-being are appropriate responses to success.
I feel really good and really right with myself. This one teensy resolution has really helped put a lot of things in perspective and made easy choices which once would have been difficult. I feel like I was working on a puzzle for ages and all I needed for the whole thing to come together is the one piece I finally found. It is like everything is just falling into place. Feels weird though. A little bit difficult to get my head around but a good thing.
Joy, happiness, pleasure, gratitude, appreciation, and a general sense of well-being are appropriate responses to success.
I feel really good and really right with myself. This one teensy resolution has really helped put a lot of things in perspective and made easy choices which once would have been difficult. I feel like I was working on a puzzle for ages and all I needed for the whole thing to come together is the one piece I finally found. It is like everything is just falling into place. Feels weird though. A little bit difficult to get my head around but a good thing.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Whoo-hoo!
I had a really great shoot today! We tooled around town getting into mischief, weather notwithstanding. I kind of love this sort of day to be honest. Yes, I know I live in sunny Southern Cali on purpose. Anyway we had a lot of fun, started the day with coffee, and finished the day with Thai food. I was so excited about the stuff we shot today that I just had to get some of it posted right away. Been updating members area stuff every single day lately and I feel really good about being able to give our members really good value. Just had to get over that cold. So anyway first set from today's killer shoot is now posted at Blue Blood's GothicSluts.com and here is a sample!
Thursday, March 03, 2005
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