Meltdown
I think I am having some sort of weird meltdown. I'm really happy that my wisdom teeth sockets are finally healing up and everything. I'm really happy that I'm feeling healthier all around. I'm really happy I was able to do a good workout and push myself. But feeling healthy and ready to go out in the world after feeling sick and underwater and in pain for so long . . . well, it seems like it should be all good, but I'm having trouble adjusting.
I feel weirdly young and out of place, like some sort of time traveller.
I know how crazy that sounds, but feeling better is freaking me out. I'm supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow, so maybe I will ask if how I'm reacting is normal. Of course, my period is due sometime today or in the next few days, so that might have something to do with why I'm feeling so loopy.
Friday, October 03, 2003
Dangers of the internet: your old girlfriends will know you got funny-looking
So I can't sleep. So I just googled every guy I ever had sexual intercourse with. The only one I still sleep with is mighty fine and the rest who I no longer sleep with . . . or speak with . . . well, the years have not been kind. I feel a really rude desire to post photographic evidence of this, but I think a few of the people on my friends list know some of the parties and might think I'm a bitch.
So I can't sleep. So I just googled every guy I ever had sexual intercourse with. The only one I still sleep with is mighty fine and the rest who I no longer sleep with . . . or speak with . . . well, the years have not been kind. I feel a really rude desire to post photographic evidence of this, but I think a few of the people on my friends list know some of the parties and might think I'm a bitch.
I'll be back
So my trainer is apparently in Moscow acting in a movie. I was worried when his wife called me that maybe he was having some horrible family thing where someone was dying slowly of cancer or something. Given that he is originally from Russia and all. I'm really psyched for him that he is doing what he wants to do. And relieved that it wasn't something awful.
Apparently, he should be returning to training at least a few clients, although it is not definite. Didn't really like the people at the gym today. Their new manager tried to hard sell me a long term membership even when I told her pretty strongly that it didn't fit my lifestyle. She finally got me to agree, but then the contract was really long and I'd been out all day and wanted to get home before the chicken soup takeout I bought got totally cold. So I told her I wanted to read the contract, maybe have an attorney glance at it, and she got totally hostile and insisted on writing VOID on it before I took it and acted like I was being a giant jerk for not wanting to commit. Hate to date her.
Think I may try another gym for now. There is another 24 hour one right across the street from the one I use. Good things about Los Angeles. Felt pretty good to be able to work out really hard. Konstantin would have gotten me to do more sit-ups though. I really don't like sit-ups.
So my trainer is apparently in Moscow acting in a movie. I was worried when his wife called me that maybe he was having some horrible family thing where someone was dying slowly of cancer or something. Given that he is originally from Russia and all. I'm really psyched for him that he is doing what he wants to do. And relieved that it wasn't something awful.
Apparently, he should be returning to training at least a few clients, although it is not definite. Didn't really like the people at the gym today. Their new manager tried to hard sell me a long term membership even when I told her pretty strongly that it didn't fit my lifestyle. She finally got me to agree, but then the contract was really long and I'd been out all day and wanted to get home before the chicken soup takeout I bought got totally cold. So I told her I wanted to read the contract, maybe have an attorney glance at it, and she got totally hostile and insisted on writing VOID on it before I took it and acted like I was being a giant jerk for not wanting to commit. Hate to date her.
Think I may try another gym for now. There is another 24 hour one right across the street from the one I use. Good things about Los Angeles. Felt pretty good to be able to work out really hard. Konstantin would have gotten me to do more sit-ups though. I really don't like sit-ups.
Whack a Goth
Forrest found this for me on some SF list.
I scored a 76 on my first try. I think I might have anger issues.
Forrest found this for me on some SF list.
I scored a 76 on my first try. I think I might have anger issues.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Existential
Just drove around for an hour and a half trying to chart out some site stuff and priorities. I really just want to crawl out of my head. I feel like a confused teenager. I want a break from being me, but without all the inconveniences of acting out of character. I'm kind of awake, but I think I might try finding something funny on TiVo and going to sleep. Maybe I will be able to think straight tomorrow, after some decent rest.
Just drove around for an hour and a half trying to chart out some site stuff and priorities. I really just want to crawl out of my head. I feel like a confused teenager. I want a break from being me, but without all the inconveniences of acting out of character. I'm kind of awake, but I think I might try finding something funny on TiVo and going to sleep. Maybe I will be able to think straight tomorrow, after some decent rest.
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Monday, September 29, 2003
Sometimes it is really pretty okay to be me
So the old friend I emailed was still checking that address. She actually doesn't live in Los Angeles, but happens to be here through Tuesday. And she was just thinking of me too. Weird synchronicity.
So, in the spirit of taking some me time, I spent like the entire day today having really a lot of sex. Other people take real weekends, but I'm a workaholic, so I feel a little guilty but pretty fucking good too. So I'm behind on my site updates, although I did just post a Raven Dorman set to GothicSluts.com Also I'm really sore. Another excellent excuse to avoid returning my trainer's calls for another week.
Actually, I've lost ten pounds and gained kind of a bunch of muscle this past month.
And my wisdom tooth sockets are finally starting to heal.
Got a bunch of new energy, but figuring out where to allocate it is a trick. Giving rise to a fuck of a lot of soul-searching.
I feel like Rip Van Winkle, like I've been asleep for a few years and now I'm like whoa where did the time go . . . but the world better look out now because I've been running at maybe 1/10th capacity for quite a while. Now that I am feeling more like myself, it will probably be good for a lot of people, but I will also be more of an unstoppable juggernaut and I suspect that will cause some folks who thought they were just about to get it up to compete with me to feel pretty bad. Good.
Back to site updates for me.
So the old friend I emailed was still checking that address. She actually doesn't live in Los Angeles, but happens to be here through Tuesday. And she was just thinking of me too. Weird synchronicity.
So, in the spirit of taking some me time, I spent like the entire day today having really a lot of sex. Other people take real weekends, but I'm a workaholic, so I feel a little guilty but pretty fucking good too. So I'm behind on my site updates, although I did just post a Raven Dorman set to GothicSluts.com Also I'm really sore. Another excellent excuse to avoid returning my trainer's calls for another week.
Actually, I've lost ten pounds and gained kind of a bunch of muscle this past month.
And my wisdom tooth sockets are finally starting to heal.
Got a bunch of new energy, but figuring out where to allocate it is a trick. Giving rise to a fuck of a lot of soul-searching.
I feel like Rip Van Winkle, like I've been asleep for a few years and now I'm like whoa where did the time go . . . but the world better look out now because I've been running at maybe 1/10th capacity for quite a while. Now that I am feeling more like myself, it will probably be good for a lot of people, but I will also be more of an unstoppable juggernaut and I suspect that will cause some folks who thought they were just about to get it up to compete with me to feel pretty bad. Good.
Back to site updates for me.
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Tidying My Human Relations
Once upon a time, there was a girl I was really close friends with. We were closer times when she didn't have a boyfriend because she was one of those chicks who really really adapts to her man and sometimes likes to rewrite history in the process. But we were tight in varying degrees for twelve years. Early this month, I found myself wondering what to get her for her birthday and then realized that it had been years since that was an issue. Earlier today, I sort of dumped someone I wasn't even dating because I obviously was not going to be able to be friends without sexual tension. I started speaking to my father again this year, partly because I got some new information about the things which upset me and partly because he was coming up on the age his father died at. I thought I would want to talk things out with him, but really I just wanted to be able to say hello to him from time to time, hear his voice on the phone. I've found a bunch of people from past lives through journal stuff. Makes me want to be more personal and real here. Really trying to figure things out and tidy up my human relations. I wish I could talk to my grandmother about what I'm thinking about, what I'm going through. I think she would get it. Of course, she is dead and she went crazy before that. Just found out an ugly family secret about what killed her which is really fucking with my head. Anyway, I hope my old girlfriend calls me or emails back because I just dropped her a line. Not that I want to tell her about the other things I wrote here. I just want to get my house in order and that human contact is part of it.
Maybe this is too personal, but I can always delete it later and post some tittie pictures.
Once upon a time, there was a girl I was really close friends with. We were closer times when she didn't have a boyfriend because she was one of those chicks who really really adapts to her man and sometimes likes to rewrite history in the process. But we were tight in varying degrees for twelve years. Early this month, I found myself wondering what to get her for her birthday and then realized that it had been years since that was an issue. Earlier today, I sort of dumped someone I wasn't even dating because I obviously was not going to be able to be friends without sexual tension. I started speaking to my father again this year, partly because I got some new information about the things which upset me and partly because he was coming up on the age his father died at. I thought I would want to talk things out with him, but really I just wanted to be able to say hello to him from time to time, hear his voice on the phone. I've found a bunch of people from past lives through journal stuff. Makes me want to be more personal and real here. Really trying to figure things out and tidy up my human relations. I wish I could talk to my grandmother about what I'm thinking about, what I'm going through. I think she would get it. Of course, she is dead and she went crazy before that. Just found out an ugly family secret about what killed her which is really fucking with my head. Anyway, I hope my old girlfriend calls me or emails back because I just dropped her a line. Not that I want to tell her about the other things I wrote here. I just want to get my house in order and that human contact is part of it.
Maybe this is too personal, but I can always delete it later and post some tittie pictures.
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Thanks a lot Vaughn
You are the discontent at the heart of us all. The
sodden anger that is left when all excuses fail
their parity tests, when all of our friends
have left us, when the wind ceases its singing
and becomes a low, lonesome wail. Relish this
moment of abandonment, of disappointment. Let
the rage and anger have their sway. You have
been too accepting for too long, have allowed
too many injustices to sweep over you. Become
one with this anger. You are the searing flame
that purifies the world. And it's a really
stupid-looking phone, too.
which clip from a Guns 'N Roses video are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the discontent at the heart of us all. The
sodden anger that is left when all excuses fail
their parity tests, when all of our friends
have left us, when the wind ceases its singing
and becomes a low, lonesome wail. Relish this
moment of abandonment, of disappointment. Let
the rage and anger have their sway. You have
been too accepting for too long, have allowed
too many injustices to sweep over you. Become
one with this anger. You are the searing flame
that purifies the world. And it's a really
stupid-looking phone, too.
which clip from a Guns 'N Roses video are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Interviews are hard
I just finished answering these interview questions about how I got started. I miss doing punk rock print zines in a house with thirteen people with funny-colored hair plus couch surfers where we regularly staple-gunned a cockroach to the wall as a warning to the others. I miss throwing legendary punk rock bacchanalias. Barely anyone who reads my journal is going to even know what I'm talking about, but I'm really missing old Cambodia today.
If I try to trade in my Town Car for something sporty and convertible, somebody please bitchslap me.
I just finished answering these interview questions about how I got started. I miss doing punk rock print zines in a house with thirteen people with funny-colored hair plus couch surfers where we regularly staple-gunned a cockroach to the wall as a warning to the others. I miss throwing legendary punk rock bacchanalias. Barely anyone who reads my journal is going to even know what I'm talking about, but I'm really missing old Cambodia today.
If I try to trade in my Town Car for something sporty and convertible, somebody please bitchslap me.
A quiz to lighten the mood
Gucci. Sophisticated yet sensual, you are cutting-
edge. Extremely classy, your attitude can
sometimes be described as snobby. However, you
are always elegantly outfitted in the latest
trend. You are modern and usually serious, but
sexual at the same time. As far as guys are
concerned, you tend to go after the rich CEO.
Guys love your tough-girl attitude and can't
resist your bold charm.
Which fashion designer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Gucci. Sophisticated yet sensual, you are cutting-
edge. Extremely classy, your attitude can
sometimes be described as snobby. However, you
are always elegantly outfitted in the latest
trend. You are modern and usually serious, but
sexual at the same time. As far as guys are
concerned, you tend to go after the rich CEO.
Guys love your tough-girl attitude and can't
resist your bold charm.
Which fashion designer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Blue Blood Banner Contest, Dark Fashions, Gothic Sluts Radio
HERE'S YOUR BLUEBLOOD NEWSLETTER:
- Amelia G & Forrest Black's Photography Featured on Dark Fashions
- Big Radio Interview with Amelia G
- Blue Blood's Gothicsluts.Com Updates
- Blue Blood's Barelyevil.Com Updates
- Blue Blood's Rubberdollies.Com Updates & Topsites
- Rubberdollies.Com Banner Contest
- Blue Blood Model Call
- Contact Reminder: Jps.net e-mails discontinued, West Hollywood snail
AMELIA G & FORREST BLACK'S PHOTOGRAPHY FEATURED ON DARK FASHIONS
http://www.dark-fashions.net/dark00/
http://www.dark-fashions.net/
The wonderful and talented folks at Dark Fashions have designed a beautiful gallery featuring the photography of Forrest Black and Amelia G from http://RubberDollies.com. It is the newest entry in the gallery section and you can get to it directly at http://www.dark-fashions.net/dark00/shi11/shi11.htm You can also check out their topsites at http://www.dark-fashions.net/fetish-top50/rankem.php?action=in&id=FE1526
RADIO INTERVIEW WITH AMELIA G
The biggest station in the Blue Blood crew's old stomping grounds of Washington, DC just interviewed Amelia G for a half hour on the air. The main topic was http://GothicSluts.com but the discussion did wander to Satanism, fashion, Marilyn Manson, sexual fantasies, and who you could bring home to meet the 'rents. There were many complaints phoned in. Whoo-hoo! Bill O'Reilly does have a call-in show on the same station, after all. Big kiss to El Jefe for the coverage! Have to do it again soon.
GOTHICSLUTS.COM UPDATES
http://www.gothicsluts.com/
Gothic Sluts welcomes Mistress Lydia Lashes to the site in her first pictorial shot by Amelia G and Forrest Black. This girl's gorgeous smile, fair skin, and long sleek dark hair have got to be seen to be believed! You also need to see the Mary Jane video.
BARELYEVIL.COM UPDATES
http://www.barelyevil.com/home.html
Barely Evil has hot new Forrest Black and Amelia G-lensed sets of Szandora in a huge luxury bathtub and Scar taking off the outfit she wore to perform at the SWAG party. Plus check out Deja Chan and new stuff of Eva Klench!
RUBBERDOLLIES.COM UPDATES & TOPSITES
http://www.rubberdollies.com/
http://www.rubberdollies.com/links.html
Rubber Dollies, the newest Blue Blood site, has 250 new pictures so far this week. Updates include a brand new set shot by Amelia G and Forrest Black of the incredible busty Maitresse Jennifer from The Nuns in some heavy latex. This site is going to be HUGE. If you would like to get your banner up on the Rubber Dollies topsites, just head on over to http://www.RubberDollies.com/links.html and sign up. The more visitors you send to the site, the more visitors you will get back and it is all automated to keep it fair. Special thanks to Fetus de Milo, Batty, Maitresse Jennifer, and Darenzia for your help promoting Rubber Dollies right out of the gate!
RUBBERDOLLIES.COM BANNER CONTEST
http://www.rubberdollies.com/contest/
Blue Blood's RubberDollies.com is brand new and now you can be a banner designer for the site!
First Prize $250 + a year membership in another Blue Blood site if the
best banner is made by an Rubber Dollies site member, $250 only for a nonmember
Second Prize $100 + a six month membership in another Blue Blood site if the
best banner is made by an Rubber Dollies site member, $100 only for a nonmember
Third Prize $50 + a one month membership in another Blue Blood site if the best
banner is made by an Rubber Dollies site member, $50 only for a nonmember
RULES: The competition starts now and runs through Halloween. Design the best banner you can in one of the following sizes: 468x60 or 120x60 or 88x31. Format should be jpeg or gif and not too big a file. If you are not a member of the site, you may only use the images in the zip file from the page at http://www.rubberdollies.com/contest/ to make banners. If you are a member of the site, you may use any image in the Features area of the site only. You may enter as many times as you like. Banners are permitted to contain nudity, but there is no requirement that they do. Just think about what you think people will click on, although of course banners may not indicate content which is not on Rubber Dollies. All banners become property of Blue Blood. You may submit your banners at any time to rdbanners@gothicsluts.com with the subject heading "RubberDollies.com Banner Contest". It is preferred that you not zip your attachments. You may email multiple submissions at different times. Upon passing the initial judging process, finalist banners will be put into rotation across the Blue Blood network as they are approved. Winners will be picked from the finalists by a combination of how many people click on your specific banner and what percentage of the time your banner is clicked on when it shows. Statistics will be gathered through Halloween. Winners will be announced November 3.
MODEL CALL
With the new site, Blue Blood has some special new needs for models. In particular, if you have a cool look and a latex wardrobe and are comfortable posing nude, then Forrest Black and Amelia G would potentially like to book you to shoot. Please send a couple of jpegs of what you look like to sadistintern@blueblood.net with information about what you are comfortable with/interested in doing on camera, what sort of wardrobe you have and enjoy, what sites and magazines you would most like to appear in, and what city you are located nearest. There are definitely some near future opportunities for Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and San Francisco-based models.
CONTACT INFO REVISITED
You probably all know this by now, but, if you still have any of the JPS.net e-mails in your address book, delete them as they have been discontinued. Do not attempt to get in touch using Maryland, Virginia, Georgia, or Beverly Hills contact info. All swag, contracts, review materials, requests for interviews, cases of Moet, etc. should be sent to:
Blue Blood
8033 Sunset Blvd #4500
West Hollywood, CA 90046
USA
Thanks!
--AMELIA G & FORREST BLACK
Amelia@BlueBlood.net & Forrest@BlueBlood.net
http://www.BlueBlood.net/
HERE'S YOUR BLUEBLOOD NEWSLETTER:
- Amelia G & Forrest Black's Photography Featured on Dark Fashions
- Big Radio Interview with Amelia G
- Blue Blood's Gothicsluts.Com Updates
- Blue Blood's Barelyevil.Com Updates
- Blue Blood's Rubberdollies.Com Updates & Topsites
- Rubberdollies.Com Banner Contest
- Blue Blood Model Call
- Contact Reminder: Jps.net e-mails discontinued, West Hollywood snail
AMELIA G & FORREST BLACK'S PHOTOGRAPHY FEATURED ON DARK FASHIONS
http://www.dark-fashions.net/dark00/
http://www.dark-fashions.net/
The wonderful and talented folks at Dark Fashions have designed a beautiful gallery featuring the photography of Forrest Black and Amelia G from http://RubberDollies.com. It is the newest entry in the gallery section and you can get to it directly at http://www.dark-fashions.net/dark00/shi11/shi11.htm You can also check out their topsites at http://www.dark-fashions.net/fetish-top50/rankem.php?action=in&id=FE1526
RADIO INTERVIEW WITH AMELIA G
The biggest station in the Blue Blood crew's old stomping grounds of Washington, DC just interviewed Amelia G for a half hour on the air. The main topic was http://GothicSluts.com but the discussion did wander to Satanism, fashion, Marilyn Manson, sexual fantasies, and who you could bring home to meet the 'rents. There were many complaints phoned in. Whoo-hoo! Bill O'Reilly does have a call-in show on the same station, after all. Big kiss to El Jefe for the coverage! Have to do it again soon.
GOTHICSLUTS.COM UPDATES
http://www.gothicsluts.com/
Gothic Sluts welcomes Mistress Lydia Lashes to the site in her first pictorial shot by Amelia G and Forrest Black. This girl's gorgeous smile, fair skin, and long sleek dark hair have got to be seen to be believed! You also need to see the Mary Jane video.
BARELYEVIL.COM UPDATES
http://www.barelyevil.com/home.html
Barely Evil has hot new Forrest Black and Amelia G-lensed sets of Szandora in a huge luxury bathtub and Scar taking off the outfit she wore to perform at the SWAG party. Plus check out Deja Chan and new stuff of Eva Klench!
RUBBERDOLLIES.COM UPDATES & TOPSITES
http://www.rubberdollies.com/
http://www.rubberdollies.com/links.html
Rubber Dollies, the newest Blue Blood site, has 250 new pictures so far this week. Updates include a brand new set shot by Amelia G and Forrest Black of the incredible busty Maitresse Jennifer from The Nuns in some heavy latex. This site is going to be HUGE. If you would like to get your banner up on the Rubber Dollies topsites, just head on over to http://www.RubberDollies.com/links.html and sign up. The more visitors you send to the site, the more visitors you will get back and it is all automated to keep it fair. Special thanks to Fetus de Milo, Batty, Maitresse Jennifer, and Darenzia for your help promoting Rubber Dollies right out of the gate!
RUBBERDOLLIES.COM BANNER CONTEST
http://www.rubberdollies.com/contest/
Blue Blood's RubberDollies.com is brand new and now you can be a banner designer for the site!
First Prize $250 + a year membership in another Blue Blood site if the
best banner is made by an Rubber Dollies site member, $250 only for a nonmember
Second Prize $100 + a six month membership in another Blue Blood site if the
best banner is made by an Rubber Dollies site member, $100 only for a nonmember
Third Prize $50 + a one month membership in another Blue Blood site if the best
banner is made by an Rubber Dollies site member, $50 only for a nonmember
RULES: The competition starts now and runs through Halloween. Design the best banner you can in one of the following sizes: 468x60 or 120x60 or 88x31. Format should be jpeg or gif and not too big a file. If you are not a member of the site, you may only use the images in the zip file from the page at http://www.rubberdollies.com/contest/ to make banners. If you are a member of the site, you may use any image in the Features area of the site only. You may enter as many times as you like. Banners are permitted to contain nudity, but there is no requirement that they do. Just think about what you think people will click on, although of course banners may not indicate content which is not on Rubber Dollies. All banners become property of Blue Blood. You may submit your banners at any time to rdbanners@gothicsluts.com with the subject heading "RubberDollies.com Banner Contest". It is preferred that you not zip your attachments. You may email multiple submissions at different times. Upon passing the initial judging process, finalist banners will be put into rotation across the Blue Blood network as they are approved. Winners will be picked from the finalists by a combination of how many people click on your specific banner and what percentage of the time your banner is clicked on when it shows. Statistics will be gathered through Halloween. Winners will be announced November 3.
MODEL CALL
With the new site, Blue Blood has some special new needs for models. In particular, if you have a cool look and a latex wardrobe and are comfortable posing nude, then Forrest Black and Amelia G would potentially like to book you to shoot. Please send a couple of jpegs of what you look like to sadistintern@blueblood.net with information about what you are comfortable with/interested in doing on camera, what sort of wardrobe you have and enjoy, what sites and magazines you would most like to appear in, and what city you are located nearest. There are definitely some near future opportunities for Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and San Francisco-based models.
CONTACT INFO REVISITED
You probably all know this by now, but, if you still have any of the JPS.net e-mails in your address book, delete them as they have been discontinued. Do not attempt to get in touch using Maryland, Virginia, Georgia, or Beverly Hills contact info. All swag, contracts, review materials, requests for interviews, cases of Moet, etc. should be sent to:
Blue Blood
8033 Sunset Blvd #4500
West Hollywood, CA 90046
USA
Thanks!
--AMELIA G & FORREST BLACK
Amelia@BlueBlood.net & Forrest@BlueBlood.net
http://www.BlueBlood.net/
Not as loopy as I thought
So apparently I'm not actually a lunatic. I really do have a urinary tract infection. Fortunately my gyno did a phone consult and didn't make me go to Beverly Hills in traffic under the circumstances. Prescription was fucking expensive, but it is starting to work already, so I would say totally worth it.
Apparently, drinking a lot recently is the likely cause of said infection. I don't know how people who party all the time can stand it. Maybe they build up a tolerance.
So apparently I'm not actually a lunatic. I really do have a urinary tract infection. Fortunately my gyno did a phone consult and didn't make me go to Beverly Hills in traffic under the circumstances. Prescription was fucking expensive, but it is starting to work already, so I would say totally worth it.
Apparently, drinking a lot recently is the likely cause of said infection. I don't know how people who party all the time can stand it. Maybe they build up a tolerance.
I hate being a girl
I hate being a girl sometimes.
If I don't bother dressing up, then I feel sucky and alienated from my subculture and other people get to think rude things. If I do dress up, everyone on the fucking planet takes it as a sexual invitation and a bunch of my models get weird and bitchy.
In business, I feel like people don't want to take me seriously because I'm female. If I do myself up frumpy, they take me more seriously, but not seriously enough and I feel rotten. If I do myself up hot, then they have a lot more interest but they want to talk to Forrest or something when they are actually ready to close a deal. Plus they are either trying to get me alone to talk biz or they are mentioning their significant other every fucking sentence.
In fact, apparently just having an ICQ number and a female name gives everyone on the planet carte blanche to take the slightest friendly gesture as a sexual invitation.
I think having sex with people you want to be genuinely friends with makes everything complicated and short term. I feel like every time I think I'm connecting with someone new, they are thinking I AM SO GETTING WITH THAT!
Is everyone in the world just having a lot more sex than I think or am I just so the ultimate fantasy girl that, once exposed to my one-on-one charm and wit, a person just can't help wanting me?
My theory is that people just suck. But I guess that is a negative way to look at it.
I hate being a girl sometimes.
If I don't bother dressing up, then I feel sucky and alienated from my subculture and other people get to think rude things. If I do dress up, everyone on the fucking planet takes it as a sexual invitation and a bunch of my models get weird and bitchy.
In business, I feel like people don't want to take me seriously because I'm female. If I do myself up frumpy, they take me more seriously, but not seriously enough and I feel rotten. If I do myself up hot, then they have a lot more interest but they want to talk to Forrest or something when they are actually ready to close a deal. Plus they are either trying to get me alone to talk biz or they are mentioning their significant other every fucking sentence.
In fact, apparently just having an ICQ number and a female name gives everyone on the planet carte blanche to take the slightest friendly gesture as a sexual invitation.
I think having sex with people you want to be genuinely friends with makes everything complicated and short term. I feel like every time I think I'm connecting with someone new, they are thinking I AM SO GETTING WITH THAT!
Is everyone in the world just having a lot more sex than I think or am I just so the ultimate fantasy girl that, once exposed to my one-on-one charm and wit, a person just can't help wanting me?
My theory is that people just suck. But I guess that is a negative way to look at it.
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