Fuck but I feel like I've aged a bunch in the past year. I just feel so old and brittle. Who the fuck takes seven or eight months for a sprain to heal or two months and counting for a tiny little fucking broken bone? I meant to make a doctor's appointment today, but I was in sort of a brain fog and the day just slipped away. I'm sick of being either low blood sugar or feverish. None of the stupid elimination diets work. I get new xrays in a bit over a week and please please please let them show that I can start walking again.
I'm feeling really happy about a bunch of personal stuff. Pleased with my work progress. Eager to hang out with my friends. Looking forward to travel. Super optimistic about the prospects for 2005.
How can I feel so horrible physically but pretty good emotionally and psychologically?
There are just so many little errands I need to run that I can't. I've got a check in a stamped and addressed envelope I want to mail on my desk and I have to wait for someone else to do it for me. Little stuff like that is driving me nuts. I've only been getting groceries like once a week and I'm constantly pissed off at some little thing I can't just go pick up. My skin is all aggravated from the stress and I know I'm putting some pounds on being so immobilized. I figure it is better to gain weight and have my ankle heal now than the avoid the nutrition I need so I don't gain weight but not heal either. But I'm going to need new clothes soon and I won't be able to drive myself.
I feel like I'm on such a roller-coaster. I think about my writing and my photography and my loved ones and I'm so happy. I think about my physical health and I think I should be put down like a horse with a broken . . . err . . . ankle. Neigh.
