Peer Pressure

Hey, no one I respect ever got addicted . . .

Evelyne got me to join Friendster a while back. Never really used it though. Masuimi recently got me to join My Space. Been revisiting the whole sort of friend network concept on various sites. Most of them just don't have enough context somehow. Also, Evelyne is a musician and I added a couple of people on the various networks who I actually know who are musicians and now every band in the friend network universe is asking me to add them. Seems sort of spammy, but they have to promote somehow.

I want a better internet time-utilizer.

Twitchy Eyeball

Why is my right eye twitching so badly again lately? It had almost completely stopped for a while. I have some writing I need to do which is kind of overdue in my personal schedule for myself, but the twitching is driving me crazy. Hard to catch up on email or anything much longer than a post on BlueBlood.net. I'm really pleased with the diversity and intelligence of the people posting in the Blue Blood Community.

I love my South Park cartoon of myself with the twitching eye.

I think I am going to try to address some of this health junk with diet again. No complex carbs, minimal sugars, minimal dairy, no caffeine, no alcohol, more veggies, more protein, all that fun stuff.

Went to sort of two dinners tonight. Someone I know was doing a sort of debut for her new chef and then we had another dinner to go to as well. Yum yum.

Chatted on ICQ for a while. That was nice, but my bestest ICQ buddy moved to New York for the month and our schedules never match up lately.

Got some really cool press for various projects this month. I found an awesome new law firm. I've actually left the house and had fun with a bunch of different social circles lately. The new Marquis is out in English now, but I haven't seen it. I think it only shipped like Monday, though, so that makes sense. I have a bunch of things to be actually pretty thrilled about, but I'm feeling kinda down at the moment. I'm feeling sad partly about health probs and partly about the ways that the internet has changed human interaction for the worse. There are a bunch of ways the internet has greatly improved my world, but I can't help feeling like somehow it makes things more convenient for lazy poisonous people. I look down my friends list and it seems like all of the best people I know are having trouble connecting with enough of the people on their wavelength to not get kinda screwed.

I think I've got a rant in me about how everyone is in business on the internet, but they are in minor under-the-radar biz and way too few people are even trying to connect on human terms.

But I think I'll save that for later. I've got four contracts to read over. A bunch of banner stuff to work on. Site updates to do. Contributors to calculate payments for. And a magazine deadline which was the 11th. And a bunch of other stuff on little purple stickies all over my monitor.

Feeling kind of better for having taken some Advil and vitamins when I started writing and just the writing itself helps get the blahs out of my system.

Left House

Was supposed to be in Vegas tonight. Mostly did work but Alex lured me and Forrest and Kelly out for good conversation and a meeting of the superpower secret organization S.P.I.N.E.









Also, check out my new hair cut.

Rest of snaps at http://www.ameliag.com/galleries/fred62kellylindalex/

Much work to do tomorrow. Bed shortly for now though.

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My Dick is Bigger Than Yours

Ya know what I find really weird. Some people just have to make things a contest. I'm always trying to beat my own high score, not trying to beat the next guy.

If someone is my friend, I don't think about things like who is more accomplished, who is prettier, who is more intelligent, who has more fans etc. We are all supposed to be on the same side.

If I am doing business with someone, I think about what we have to offer one another that will benefit both of us. I don't think about who is actually bigger in the greater scheme of things.

I actually had an ad sales rep boast to me today that the entire NETWORK of sites he reps gets 1.2 to 2 million visitors A MONTH. And he was talking down to me. That is some serious comedy. I just wanted to get ad rates so I could give the company he works for some money, only he kept going on and on about the tiny network he represents and presenting the pricing in such a disorganized way that there would be no way any rational person could make a purchasing decision from his data. The guy was so rude that I finally asked him if maybe I'd been a guest at a convention near him and been on a panel he wanted to be on or had perhaps slept with his girlfriend when I lived in the DC/Baltimore area where he now is. I pointed out to him that his demeanor was not really normal for an advertising sales rep and asked him what was with the bizarre attitude. I was attempting to lighten the mood of the conversation while pointing out that he really needed to be more professional and organized to make the sale. Only he went totally BESERK that I asked if maybe I slept with his girlfriend. Said I was making assumptions. I was just reacting to bizarre rudeness from a stranger.

I don't think his girlfriend was that good in bed because I don't remember her at all.

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FAQ for interested models & anyone with a shred of a sense of decency who reads my journal

Please note that the following is my bio from my profile page and has been since I started this journal:

Bio:
Note: This is my *personal* journal, so, if I am talking about site stuff, please feel free to comment about it, but I prefer talking about personal stuff here, so I would way rather hear about your dog or your opinion on social issues than about when would I like to do a photo shoot or when is x and so going to be available to the public. If you are interested in modeling, please send one to five jpegs of what you look like to submit@blueblood.net along with information on what city you live in or near, whether you have any plans to visit Southern California or Las Vegas, and what you are interested in/comfortable with doing on camera i.e. types and levels of nudity, types of fashions, types of publication desired etc. If you previously submitted to sadistintern@blueblood.net please resubmit to the new email address. Thanks.

+++++

If you just have my journal bookmarked in case you want to talk about yourself in it later, please read the FAQ and note that this sort of interaction is likely to go badly.

If you want to discuss personal things in personal space with me, that is great. I'm a friendly girl.

If you want to drag business issues into a space that (a) you should allow to be personal out of respect for my clear wishes and (b) expressly forbids conducting business in its TOS, then you are likely to get a less positive response than if you go through appropriate channels.

+++++

That said, I'm going to go get a coffee and chill (with Forrest if he can speed through some of the shoot stuff he is doing now.) It is almost time for us to go pick up the fantabulous girl we are shooting this afternoon and I don't want to be all aggro while we are shooting when she has been great. I really wish that people who would like me to work faster would not try to start drama with me while I am trying to get work done. In all fairness, I had my most excellent brother on the phone and five webmaster friends on ICQ who were all doing biz in an enjoyable and friendly fashion and I was really rocking Photoshop this morning before I made the mistake of checking my journal email.

I would like a friendly space that was a respite from the more business end of things, but maybe this lj fad is coming to an end anyway.

A Perfect Circle

I should be getting ready to go out, but instead I am posting the pix from the last time I saw some of the folks I should be seeing tonight, assuming I leave the house. A few of my favorite pix are below and the rest are at http://www.ameliag.com/galleries/0604aperfectcircle/. I don't have pictures of the stage, but one of my savory pals who was very naughty does.

Small World

So I'm working on updates for BlueBlood.net tonight. Among other work things. Do I know how to party or what? And I edit Jonathan Woodward's RPG column. I figure he actually makes his deadlines, so his stuff gets posted first. And I see that he has reviewed an intriguing new game with cover art by someone I used to hang out with in DC. Small world sometimes. I wrote something longer about it at http://www.blueblood.net/boards/showthread.php?p=4407. I do often wonder what has happened to various people I've known over the years. Some people you come across again and again in different environments and some people seem so large one day and the next they just vaporize.

La La

So I had to go to two different doctors in Beverly Hills today. One suggested a fifteen thousand dollar treatment which would involve injecting myself. I didn't roll with that plan. My ankle hurts like a bitch from driving, although at least driving is doable with a brace now.

Updated some of the links on BLT:::Black Leather Times today. Much needed fixes there. Knocked the last of the banners out of ad rotation from a company which screwed over a friend of mine.

Entertainingly, the top Google searches last month for BLT:::Black Leather Times were:
jokers
sluts
black+sluts
gothic+sluts
hurricane+technology
fuck+you
jokers+
pink+floyd+hammer
+jokers
dirty+dishes

Thanks to the folks who responded to my where-the-fuck-am-I-at post, especially the ones who know me and know what I can do. Sometimes the level of suckiness of my fellow man makes me think I took the wrong path. But it really wasn't all a fucking accident and I just need to stop letting other people take what is mine. There are plenty of cool and appreciative and enjoyable people on the planet and I actually come in contact with a lot of them.

I just got an awful lot of news about various icky shenanigans this past month which I would have preferred not to know, but forewarned is a good thing I suppose. And, ironically, I do often do best when other people fuck with me because otherwise I think it is possible to slide into an adequate situation instead of an excellent one. And I just prefer the excelling thang. Shifting some stuff around and feeling darn good about it. Very optimistic. Got some updates for BlueBlood.net almost ready to go live. Going to take some Advil for my ankle now though.

Back home

So I'm back home.

I did a panel discussion thing at the conference for internet professionals I was at. My topic of expertise was how to get traffic to niche websites. Really a lot of people, including the organizer (who I did it for), came up later and told me how great I did. Quite a few people were like, "wasn't that your first panel?" More like my millionth. I kind of like public speaking. I was nervous beforehand because I wanted to do a good job. The only public speaking which makes me ill is reading my own fiction aloud and I'm working on that little problem. One of the people I was on the panel with has always been really nice to me in the past. We've never done business, but he has always been really friendly and he was kind of frosty afterwards. I hope he just had stuff on his mind. Forrest's conjecture was that the guy likes little girls and not businesswomen.

On the what-impression-do-I-make front, there was another guy who attended the seminar who came up to me at the Players Ball later in the weekend and was gushing about how great I was. So far so good. Then he starts going on about how he assumed I would be all "grunge" and not have a clue from what I looked like, but, once he heard me start speaking, he was like wow this girl would do great in the corporate world. Then he went on at great length about how I would do really well in the corporate world if I wanted to.

I told him that the coporate world moves kind of slowly for me. That, online, if I work hard, I can move up faster than I could in the corporate world. This is true. But, really, the problem is that I could never figure out how to get on board at a reasonable level to start off in the coporate world. So I would do these lower-end artsy positions and my supervisors would flip out when they realized I was more educated and more knowledgeable than they were. I worked at one publishing company where the production manager used to ransack my desk every morning before I came in, steal my allergy medication, and then put things I was allergic to in my workspace. She was eventually caught, but the owner laughed when I suggested that he should give me her job if she felt that threatened by me. She did, after all, start doing this after he started having me sit in on meetings with printing company reps because I was better at print buying and specs than she was.

I remember one time when I was starving in Atlanta and I called a friend who worked at Oracle for advice and she said she had gotten a lot of mutual acquaintances work, but she didn't believe I truly had the corporate dream, even though I had seemed more likely to succeed than any of the rest while we were in school together. Much earlier than that, a management consultant friend of mine offered to get me a job that was "sort of like a secretary but more educated" and I told him to keep his sexual fantasies to himself. He and I were halfway sort of dating and I thought it would be weird. I now understand that the job was jr. consultant and I should have taken it. But no one gave me a map. No one gave me an escape plan.

When my impact is great enough that giant corporations want what I do, they hire someone else to knock it off. To knock it off, but not very well.

I always thought I would go to work in flashy powersuits some day. Now I generally work in a T-shirt I got for a free and a bra I spent too much on.

I'm not doing bad, but I sure as hell am not doing as well as I thought I would be at this stage. I always thought that that youth and skill will be beaten by age and treachery thing was a joke. I thought if I worked really really really really hard, it would all work out just fine.

Ever see SLC Punk? That movie was the first time since ET that I cried in a movie theatre and the only time I actually really sobbed. That was supposed to be my life. My father went to Harvard Law. Heck, my mom did Harvard graduate work before women even really did such things.

SLC Punk was supposed to be how my story went, but Heroin Bob keeps dying and I can't get out.

Ow

So I finally went to the doctor for my slow-healing ankle and he says the tendon on my right foot is apparently torn. Probably not surgery-torn yet, but he can't be positive without an MRI and those are like a billion dollars. So I've got a little bandage thing now and a better immobilizer I have to get via mail. No wearing boots. No working out. No walking which can be avoided. Which is pretty much the order this distresses me in.

My right eye has started twitching like crazy again.

Had a really good time at A Perfect Circle. Snapshots coming shortly.

Had fun at the dinner I went to last night. Snapshots coming later.

So much to do and not enough hours in the day. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Don't you hate when . . .

Finally getting back up to speed and caught up on a new computer. Long rant about buying this thing probably coming later. For now, amusing search engine results:

Blue Blood is now the #2 Google result for a search on don't you hate when and #20 in Australia for beer bottle sex.

That is just too funny

:-)

What a nice evening.

What is an emo?

Blue Blood is #1!

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&safe=off&c2coff=1&q=%22what+is+an+emo%3F%22

Way to get indexed. Too funny.

Meaning

Funny thing about subculture is that, for me at least, it is partly a search for meaning. Just got off the phone with my mother. Had a death in the family. Trying to figure out funeral stuff. I'm no good with this life and death stuff. I haven't even gotten past the spiritual plateau of man's inhumanity to man. Sometimes I believe I can change the world by wishing hard enough. I really don't like the things that wanting can't fix.

Yardstick

Ha ha ha ha . . .

So my host just shut down a server attack. I have more than one dedicated server now, so if one is attacked, stuff can just be shifted and it doesn't slow anything down that much.

I'm feeling pretty darn good because (a) I ate a good dinner and (b) when enough people mess with my online stuff, that means I am doing something right.

So . . . who feels threatened by the fabulous new redesign for BlueBlood.net? It is pretty damn excellent. The rest of us are going to have fun talking on the Blue Blood boards and those who feel threatened are cordially invited to stew in their own bile.

PS Szandora - you know you rock and I love you, but don't feel limited on what you can say because Forrest or I feels limited on what we can say. I just might start that shitlist ;-) But both of our time is spent better on other things.

Yummy

Ya know what tastes really good? Yellowtail and avocado sushi and Perrier. Living in Los Angeles is really excellent for grocery store shopping.

Clarification

Allow me to clarify that when I said, "For one thing, this cow who is stalking me has done everything from toy insertion to boy/girl hardcore and it was not all artistically presented." This was NOT what Forrest Black and I shot of her. These were shoots she did for other people. We shot her mostly for magazine covers and profiles where we did our best to make her sound as cool as possible.

I hate model politics. There is one over-the-hill model whose name Forrest and I totally made and she has repaid us for hooking her up by using her impressive name as leverage to poison good relationships I have with models who are younger or have taken care of themselves better.

So there is a model I have not worked with in a while. A model who broke a pretty major contract with me which I let slide because she told me she wanted to concentrate on being a good mother. I thought I would be a jerk to hold her to what she agreed to under those circumstances, so I let it slide. Only she has continued modeling and I don't mean with her clothes on and in wholesome family entertainment. This is a girl we watched movies with and kids shows and had fun with and the fact that there was a personal relationship also made me feel like I should let the issue go.

Only she is shooting for sites in my program anyway. And Szandora wanted to do a shoot with her. I'm not usually on AIM, but I happened to be today and saw this girl on. Szandora was just in town, so I dropped the girl a line. It went something like this:

AmeliaG2000: Hey CensoredName, when you get back to LA, I'd like to do a shoot with you and Szandora. Rate for you is still $Censored$ flat if you have the time. sorry to see you've been feeling sick. Sometimes travel is just tough on a body.
CensoredName: Ame;ia..you know I don't do porn stuff
AmeliaG2000: Have I ever shot "porn" with you?
AmeliaG2000: Have you ever see "porn" of Szandora?
CensoredName: yes..with the blue hair
CensoredName: i have to run off to a session now..
AmeliaG2000: Have you not liked some of the pix we've shot of you? You seemed happy at the time.
AmeliaG2000: You said you liked the pix, so I assumed you did.
CensoredName: yes i liked them
AmeliaG2000: You know I would never want a model to do any pose she was uncomfortable with
AmeliaG2000: I think you and Szandora would get along
AmeliaG2000: and I know she would like to do a shoot with you
AmeliaG2000: But you've done harder core girl-girl shoots than she ever has, so I'm sure we could come up with something where you were well within your comfort zone
AmeliaG2000: You are shooting for my sites anyway, so is there some problem I should know about?
CensoredName signed off at 7:58:00 PM.

WTF? I swear Kelly Lind is my hero for having the balls to post his shitlist of models he feels have behaved badly. I hate the thing where there are people who have personally had good experiences shooting with me who don't want to shoot again because one fat bitch told them a bunch of outright lies. What bothers Kelly is different from what bothers me, but I am thinking about following his example.

I am really sick of people who nod knowingly and tell me they know the whole story with me and the aforementioned over-the-hill pro domme. *I* don't know, so how can they? Forrest has offered to discuss the issue publicly with the girl and she can't shut up about it behind our backs, but does not have the nerve to face us either.

If said professional domina is telling someone who likes the pictures I've shot of her in the past that shooting with me equals porn, that is just absurd. For one thing, this cow who is stalking me has done everything from toy insertion to boy/girl hardcore and it was not all artistically presented.

To me, the important thing is how the work is presented, not how explicit it is. I started off shooting real life couples doing what they really like to do. Way before all the internet money turned so many people into such assholes.

PS The Blue Blood boards are fun and interactive and involve a lot less complaining that lj.