Don't you hate when . . .

Finally getting back up to speed and caught up on a new computer. Long rant about buying this thing probably coming later. For now, amusing search engine results:

Blue Blood is now the #2 Google result for a search on don't you hate when and #20 in Australia for beer bottle sex.

That is just too funny

:-)

What a nice evening.

What is an emo?

Blue Blood is #1!

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&safe=off&c2coff=1&q=%22what+is+an+emo%3F%22

Way to get indexed. Too funny.

Meaning

Funny thing about subculture is that, for me at least, it is partly a search for meaning. Just got off the phone with my mother. Had a death in the family. Trying to figure out funeral stuff. I'm no good with this life and death stuff. I haven't even gotten past the spiritual plateau of man's inhumanity to man. Sometimes I believe I can change the world by wishing hard enough. I really don't like the things that wanting can't fix.

Yardstick

Ha ha ha ha . . .

So my host just shut down a server attack. I have more than one dedicated server now, so if one is attacked, stuff can just be shifted and it doesn't slow anything down that much.

I'm feeling pretty darn good because (a) I ate a good dinner and (b) when enough people mess with my online stuff, that means I am doing something right.

So . . . who feels threatened by the fabulous new redesign for BlueBlood.net? It is pretty damn excellent. The rest of us are going to have fun talking on the Blue Blood boards and those who feel threatened are cordially invited to stew in their own bile.

PS Szandora - you know you rock and I love you, but don't feel limited on what you can say because Forrest or I feels limited on what we can say. I just might start that shitlist ;-) But both of our time is spent better on other things.

Yummy

Ya know what tastes really good? Yellowtail and avocado sushi and Perrier. Living in Los Angeles is really excellent for grocery store shopping.

Clarification

Allow me to clarify that when I said, "For one thing, this cow who is stalking me has done everything from toy insertion to boy/girl hardcore and it was not all artistically presented." This was NOT what Forrest Black and I shot of her. These were shoots she did for other people. We shot her mostly for magazine covers and profiles where we did our best to make her sound as cool as possible.

I hate model politics. There is one over-the-hill model whose name Forrest and I totally made and she has repaid us for hooking her up by using her impressive name as leverage to poison good relationships I have with models who are younger or have taken care of themselves better.

So there is a model I have not worked with in a while. A model who broke a pretty major contract with me which I let slide because she told me she wanted to concentrate on being a good mother. I thought I would be a jerk to hold her to what she agreed to under those circumstances, so I let it slide. Only she has continued modeling and I don't mean with her clothes on and in wholesome family entertainment. This is a girl we watched movies with and kids shows and had fun with and the fact that there was a personal relationship also made me feel like I should let the issue go.

Only she is shooting for sites in my program anyway. And Szandora wanted to do a shoot with her. I'm not usually on AIM, but I happened to be today and saw this girl on. Szandora was just in town, so I dropped the girl a line. It went something like this:

AmeliaG2000: Hey CensoredName, when you get back to LA, I'd like to do a shoot with you and Szandora. Rate for you is still $Censored$ flat if you have the time. sorry to see you've been feeling sick. Sometimes travel is just tough on a body.
CensoredName: Ame;ia..you know I don't do porn stuff
AmeliaG2000: Have I ever shot "porn" with you?
AmeliaG2000: Have you ever see "porn" of Szandora?
CensoredName: yes..with the blue hair
CensoredName: i have to run off to a session now..
AmeliaG2000: Have you not liked some of the pix we've shot of you? You seemed happy at the time.
AmeliaG2000: You said you liked the pix, so I assumed you did.
CensoredName: yes i liked them
AmeliaG2000: You know I would never want a model to do any pose she was uncomfortable with
AmeliaG2000: I think you and Szandora would get along
AmeliaG2000: and I know she would like to do a shoot with you
AmeliaG2000: But you've done harder core girl-girl shoots than she ever has, so I'm sure we could come up with something where you were well within your comfort zone
AmeliaG2000: You are shooting for my sites anyway, so is there some problem I should know about?
CensoredName signed off at 7:58:00 PM.

WTF? I swear Kelly Lind is my hero for having the balls to post his shitlist of models he feels have behaved badly. I hate the thing where there are people who have personally had good experiences shooting with me who don't want to shoot again because one fat bitch told them a bunch of outright lies. What bothers Kelly is different from what bothers me, but I am thinking about following his example.

I am really sick of people who nod knowingly and tell me they know the whole story with me and the aforementioned over-the-hill pro domme. *I* don't know, so how can they? Forrest has offered to discuss the issue publicly with the girl and she can't shut up about it behind our backs, but does not have the nerve to face us either.

If said professional domina is telling someone who likes the pictures I've shot of her in the past that shooting with me equals porn, that is just absurd. For one thing, this cow who is stalking me has done everything from toy insertion to boy/girl hardcore and it was not all artistically presented.

To me, the important thing is how the work is presented, not how explicit it is. I started off shooting real life couples doing what they really like to do. Way before all the internet money turned so many people into such assholes.

PS The Blue Blood boards are fun and interactive and involve a lot less complaining that lj.

OMFG

So Forrest and I have been working like crazy on relaunching BlueBlood.net. I really appreciate all the cool people who have done writing and photography and modeling for this project and special thanks too to the folks who tested out the forums and stuff before we went live. I guess I need to start working on newsletters and stuff like that, but mostly I am so relieved to finally have the site redesign live. I am somewhere between wet and nauseaous. Kinda both really. Lemme know whatcha all think. If you find anything weird, please let me know because it just went live within the past hour and I'm crazy nervous about it. Oh, and sign up for the boards and make a couple of posts and click around to profiles and stuff because those were really complicated and the thing most likely to have something I want you all to let me know about.

Lazy Fucker

So I'm finally done with the last course of antibiotics, but I still feel like death in a blender. Just with less of a sore throat/can't breathe thing going on.

Got back the results of the last round of blood work and apparently I'm producing antibodies to some foods I would really rather not be. Apparently one of the reasons a low carb diet helps me is that my body produces antibodies to fight off wheat, yeast, and quinoa and to a lesser extent stuff like bananas. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

On a happy note, I am now documented as delightfully allergic to pinto beans and lima beans, both of which I have always loathed.

My period just started.

I'd really like to have a couple weeks where I was running at full steam. I told a friend on ICQ I just woke up and he called me a bum and, even though I generally adore him, I wanted to crawl through the monitor and break a bottle over his head. I hate, hate, hate not being able to work at proper superhuman capacity. I hate the weakness of my flesh. And I don't believe keeping a regular daytime schedule makes someone a harder worker, under the best of circumstances.

When I was younger, I could take a double courseload at a good school and get great grades and still have my parents tell me I was clearly lazy if I slept until noon on a particular day and thus returned a 10am call from them at 1pm. No matter that I had worked twenty hours the night before. I don't take weekends. I don't take holidays. Not Thanksgiving. Not my birthday. Nothing. And I still honestly believe somewhere inside that, if I were not such a lazy fucker, if I could just work a few more hours a day, then all my dreams would come true. That anything I lack is just because I'm not self-disciplined enough.

On one level, I know I can't think of anyone I know, my parents included, who I think works a bunch harder than I do. But, on another level, I think I probably just really screwed up taking these ten minutes to mention online that I'm still feeling under the weather. Like this is probably why I haven't really fulfilled my potential yet.

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Yay!

Yay! I made my Marquis deadline despite being all phlegmy and gross. I'm generally a lot more clearheaded now, but I'm talking a little bit Kermit-style and I'm having trouble wearing a bra because I feel like there is a huge rubberband around my lungs. Got a new prescription which ought to clear out the rest of it though.

Having finished my priority work, I decided it would be okay to address my cough with NyQuil. I keep checking the stove to see if my lunch is ready. Only I ordered Indian delivery.

Hey, apparently someone in Russia likes my journal: http://journal.gotik.ru/users/amartia/comments/323785/Anyone read Russian? The babelfish had some trouble with this one. Hee hee

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Irony

So the CEO of Mickey D's is at this McDonald's convention and he has a heart attack. And dies.

Well, that's a heck of a punchline.

Some Models I Adore

Some models who have rocked my socks with their awesomeness this month are Szandora, Miss Eva Von Slut, Jax, Jenoside, Maitresse Jennifer, and Sinisher! And those are just the extra super duper cool folks. Lots of other models have been just normal amounts cool and still more have been simply rational and pleasant. Today is the last day of antibiotics and I must be finally getting better because I'm noticing that the good stuff waaaaaaaaaaaaaay outnumbers and outclasses the bad. Now if I could just get my hands on someone else's lungs and throat and maybe sinuses and some pancake makeup, it would be like I was all-the-way well... especially the lungs and pancake makeup...

Sheesh

Okay, look at this:



Everywhere I seek human interaction on the internet is overrun with the most juvenile spats. The picture above was just posted on a professional board I frequent as a response to a moderator getting rehired after he had been fired for banning an incredibly infantile and rude but big-spending advertiser who was unbanned by the owner but then pissed off the owner enough that he rebanned said advertiser and then rehired the mod. So someone with the Photoshop skills to be a web professional took the time to create the image above of said mod getting I guess fucked in the ear. Well done really. And this is on a forum for business. Comparitively, journalland starts seeming less silly. Your diary is supposed to be self-indulgent and self-obsessed.

Something about the internet makes human beings cranky on some fundamental incurable level.

Note to all my LA local peeps: As soon as I kick this cold, I need to spend some socializin' time around actual real live human beings. Like outside the house and everything. This goes double out to annathema667 and sinisher and szandora and dyingsunshine, you are charged with reminding me to get my ass to Vegas.

My head still hurts where I hit it on the concrete. I wish I could take painkillers with the rest of the medication I'm on. Hot bath was very nice though. I just emailed my doctor to whinge about how bad I feel and ask about test results.

I wonder if all of the internet is some sort of regressive juvenility machine or just the sectors of it I trawl.

Cowboy Bebop

Ugh, I just fell asleep halfway through watching the Cowboy Bebop movie with Forrest. I've seen the shows and really liked them, but I'd never seen the movie. This being sick thing sucks.

So I wake up in a pool of fever sweat and decide to take a hot bath before firing up the TiVo to watch the rest of the movie. And I make the mistake of checking the internet while the water is running.

There is one fat over-the-hill model who hasn't retired and feels compelled to talk trash about me every March. I don't know why March is special, but I haven't shot her in years and it seems to be an annual event for her to politick against me this time of year. Some of her March attempts were not very successful this year. A number of people have told me that her bitter recriminations against everyone but herself are wearing thin. But that doesn't mean there aren't a couple of pawns who are up in arms over bullshit because she wound them up and they are too blind to see that it is because she doesn't want competition from younger thinner girls.

So I just got an email from a model threatening to physically assault me.

Rewind:

I see pix online of a pretty girl with straight pitch black hair, milky white skin, and lots of facial piercings.
I contact girl and she tells me "It would be an honor to work with you. I always admired your work, and considered it to be Yard stick by which all Gothic Portraiture should be measured."
We agree on our standard rate, standard release, and nudity level, wardrobe and makeup.
She shows up with her guy. Most people have a no husbands/boyfriends rules, but I let him stay.
She shows up having removed ALL of her facial piercings.
She shows up tan.
She shows up broken out.
She shows up in pretty un-Gothic makeup with nothing to touch up with when she was told to bring her stuff and put it on after arrival.
She shows up with a dark brown fright wig pinned and heavily hairsprayed crookedly into her hair.
She shows up with almost no wardrobe and only kind of cheesecakey outfits instead of the clubby ones she was asked to bring.
She shows up about thirty pounds heavier than in the images I booked her from.
She seems uncomfortable nude despite having modeled before and having been offered a nude model pay rate, so I make it a mostly only topless shoot.
I pay her as I agreed. Even though she did not do as she agreed.
I don't bother processing the pictures because they are not worth it. They are not really on theme. They are not that sexy. Her crooked wig makes a lot of them unsalvageable and the rest would need major Photoshop and I don't like to work my pictures like that.
I get one picture of the girl published in a magazine because she is modeling clothing a friend of mine designed and I want to promote his work. Yes, I provided wardrobe for some of this session. The magazine is expensive and pricey to ship, but I send the girl a copy.
She asks me for a CD of images. I really doubt she wants to see what she actually looked like that day and, at any rate, it was a paid shoot with no content trade of any kind as part of it. I politely remind her of this.
I see the girl out at night and chat with her and take some snapshots. Snapshots are posted at a secret free URL. People are welcome to repost snapshots of themselves so long as they leave the URL on them. Snapshots are not the same as professional work. Later she emails me about why didn't we speak that night, when in fact we totally hung out and she apparently drunkenly forgot it.
Nine or so months pass and I still have not posted any of the pro pictures of this girl, but the time of year when the Wicked Bitch of the West likes to fuck with me comes around.
So this model emails me telling me she knows all about me now and she knows pictures of her have posted and I need to give her a pass to get them and she is going to physically assault me. Tells me it is not a threat but a warning.

Meanwhile another girl who just shot with same Wicked Bitch is making a federal case out of something I would have given her for free if she asked nicely, except that she dove right in name-calling.

All of which means I'm spending my time on bullshit when I should be taking care of my health, so I can be healthy enough to set up shoots with and send pictures and swag to people who are cool. There are a bunch of cool girls in SF I want to shoot where I've been meaning to book it for ages. There are like a dozen LA girls I said I would book at BondCon I haven't had time to shoot. It's on my to-do list to do email interviews with like twenty-five people I've shot where I want some text promoting what they do to run with their pictures which I've already shot. I need to do a Vegas shooting trip. I want to show the cool chicks of Phoenix the great stuff we shot of them while there . . . oh wait, dingopariah and my doctor told me to take today off and take care of myself . . .

Well, my phlegm is getting less colorful, but I sure am sick as hell still.

Fretting

I think I'm getting worse not better. Can't sleep for more than a couple hours without being woken up by my own coughing. My spine is all out of alignment from coughing so hard. My lungs and throat are both painful and itchy. I want to take a rake to the inside of my ribcage. The outside of my ribcage hurts like I have PMS, but I really don't think I do. One of the medical treatments is making my hair fall out and it is freaking me out. I picked up the new prescription for my laryngitus yesterday, but I'm scared to add anything to the pharmacy cocktail. I see friends of mine logging onto ICQ now who I have one or another thing I want to chat with about, but I'm just not feeling very upbeat. Kind of cool though that we have the tech to have conversations with basically no voice which once would have required a telephone. I can't deal with the headache I've had since I hit my head in Phoenix. I have so much to do. I can't be sick. I can't be out of commission.