Top O' The Mornin'

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The West Wing

I've been watching the early seasons of the West Wing on DVD lately and really enjoying them. I talked to my mom for a long time this weekend and I asked her how accurate the show is in portraying what working in the West Wing is like. She told me that the show had been recommended to her by friends and she and my father had started to watch it, but my dad didn't like the show, so they stopped. She says that means she can't say how accurate it is. I think it probably means it must be pretty accurate.

Absent-Minded

I just realized that I totally left the house with my pants on inside-out. It was just to get coffee, but still . . . I guess I really needed that coffee. LOL I am apparently prepping for an alternative career as an absent-minded professor. I've forsaken every vice but coffee and really I need to have my pants on right way out.

Actually, the other day a few of us were playing the what-if-you-didn't-have-to-work game and I realized that one thing I would do is spend more time in academia. I'd do mostly what I do anyway, which is a cool realization, but I'd concentrate more on the creative side of things which I love best and I'd spend more time in the academic world studying and teaching. Ah well, what if, what if . . .

I've had an unusual string of dinners with people lately whose primary focus is thinking and it has been really stirring the mental juices in a good way.

Beautiful

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Much Beauty in Springtime

Here is a shot from a set Forrest Black just posted to Blue Blood's Barely Evil. She has the sun on her face and it sort of welcoming spring I think. This was a really fun and relaxed shoot.



NSFW NAUGHTY SHOT BEHIND THE CUT - CLICK HERE

Cookie Monster was the first bad boy I ever loved

Cookie Monster was the first bad boy I ever loved. I adored his unfettered capacity for pleasure. He was deeply into consuming cookies and he didn’t care who knew it. If there were no cookies available, he would eat a cardboard circle if he had to. He would eat that cardboard circle with no shame. He was so ready for anything, he would eat the moon, if he could get to it. The scope of his desire was infinite and proud. He could see no 12 steps coming. He was Cookie Monster and he was prepared to shout his joyous desire aloud. If you baked him a flat crisp cake of sweetened dough, he would let you know how much he enjoyed it. You wouldn’t have to wonder whether he was experiencing pleasure because he would let you know about it and he didn’t care who was watching. Cookie was the kind of Monster where you had to understand he might take just as much joy from someone else’s baking. He wanted cookies and he wanted them from everyone he met. But, if you didn’t require monogamy of him . . .

[MORE ODE TO COOKIE MONSTER AFTER THE CUT]

Beautiful Day

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining. Had fun doing a quick shoot earlier. Afterwards we drove past a family which was pulled to the side of the road with a gas can. Their car had run out of gas right at the gas station but had not quite made it inside and they didn't have money for gas. I almost never give to panhandlers. But it is a pretty day in Los Angeles to take a walk or hang out with friends or drive around with A/C and good company and probably a kind of hot sticky day to be stuck on the side of the road with no A/C. The family stuck by the roadside didn't come across like scammers, just people who were having a bad day and could use a hand getting home. So I had Forrest pull over and I gave them money to gas up. Just feeling really karmically good and like it felt right doing it. A little thank you note from me to the world.

Welcoming Spring

This is shot from a set Forrest Black and I did this week of Blue Blood Keiko with the sun on her face. Definitely welcoming spring. The full set of course appears on Blue Blood's Barely Evil.



Another freely viewable image from a recent Gothic Sluts update Forrest and I shot is at this link, but it is not about the springtime. Hope you all enjoy both of these photos. I'm really pleased with them.

Just Passing Through: Memory Overdose

Friday -- went to see Sin City with some friends I do not see nearly often enough even though they are really witty and insightful people. Frank Miller got me into reading comics with Dark Knight. Got me thinking about the boxes of bagged and backed comic books I have packed away in acid free everything boxes. Got me thinking about where I was at and the world I was in and the people I shared my pleasure in comics with a long time ago. I was asked to write an issue of The Crow shortly before their publisher collapsed. One of my biggest disappointments ever not being able to do that.

Saturday -- a friend of mine from the zine days and sf fandom came through Los Angeles and took me and Forrest out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. Had not seen him in years and it was great catching up. We had a really nice time and went for coffee afterwards. Well, the boys were smart enough to drink blue soda, but I had an iced latte and then spent the rest of the evening with my brain just zinging with thoughts about where I was at and the world I was in and the people I shared my pleasure in overall fandom and conventions and print publishing with. I love magazines, but that industry is such a mine field.

Sunday -- went over to Retail Slut and kept them company while they dismantled the store. Peter took me and Forrest and Yolanda to dinner afterwards. Both at the store and later, we were all talking about the crazy fun times we had which revolved around Retail Slut. The time we photographed people fucking in the evil dressing room. Who really decorated the good dressing room. The times we photographed people all over that store, naked in the front window, everywhere. The legion of cool famous people who have shopped there. The time that a photographer who usually does not drink and I were tipsily talking about how it freaked us out that some photographers in town were so psycho competitive and still couldn't take a great picture when another local photog came up behind him and totally took offense. The time we took one of the Blue Blood models there to pull clothes and the landlord came by and said some drunkass thing about her sphincter and almost got his ass kicked by her husband from a very successful evil band. The wild people who have manned the counter there and their entertaining antics. The people who always stopped into Retail Slut whenever they came through town and that was how everyone tracked them and knew they were back. The people who used the store as a babysitter, fax service, bar, therapist, dating service, casting agency, everything. It was time and Peter and Yolanda are obviously so much happier than they were towards the end and doing so well. But it got me thinking bout where I was at and the world I was in and the people I shared my pleasure in being part a dangerously punk but fabulously glittering and joyous scene with.

Monday -- had to deal with some depressing business stuff I never thought I would have to do. Thought about the fact that two people who I really like picked up the tab for dinner two nights in a row. I always end up being the one to pick up the tab these days. And often for people who are not nearly as enjoyable as this weekend's wonderful dining companions. It actually seems weird to have someone else be the generous one two nights in a row. It is so rare these days for my friends to treat that the occasions are more memorable than maybe they should be. Nina bought coffee for me and Forrest last time we shot together. L treated me to drinks and breakfast in Vegas. A relative treated at The Polo Lounge last time he was in LA. Before that, I think it was most likely the previous June when someone else treated. Thought about how there were people who were so sad I hadn't been able to keep up with certain things. Thought about how people will demand that others live their lives to entertain them, but won't support the very organizations who bring them what they enjoy. Thought about how there are both large profit-hungry corporations and complicitly unsupportive scenesters systematically stamping out and over-commodifying everything I love. These were recurring themes in every conversation.

Missed all my Monday deadlines. Returned all my calls too late. Didn't finish tidying up for my Tuesday shoot. Didn't answer almost any email. Didn't get my writing done. Didn't get photos submitted. Wished I hadn't skipped physical therapy last week. Foot hurts like a bitch and weird kidney pain is getting worse again. Splitting headache. Tried to make reservations for a wedding in the DC/Baltimore area and couldn't quite bring myself to finalize them. Realized I was being useless and decided to watch CSI on Tivo and even it sucked. Tried to upgrade my Netflix for improved escapism and their system told me it would take nearly a month for them to start sending me more movies. Just one of those days.

I want to be strong and creative and once again lead the charge to a better promised place for my people, but I'm having trouble getting my head around who they are today and what to do about the traitors to the cause and the shortsighted fools who would, not only sell their own friends out for a moldy donut, but would sell their own happiness, who truly cut off their own noses to spite their faces. I need to keep in less sporadic touch with some of the really great people I know all over the world and make less time for the turkeys. Might be time to travel a bit more. I might not have roots, but I do have history. I know everything is going to be okay. I'm just not sure that it is going to be an okay I would have recognized when I set out on this path. I'll figure it out another day. Today, the nostalgia and memories swirling around in my head are just on overdose settings.

Stephanie Slaughter

Here is a shot which Forrest Black and I did of the awesome Stephanie Slaughter for Blue Blood's Barely Evil. The entire set appears on Blue Blood's Barely Evil and a NSFW naughty sample image from the set appears on BlueBlood.net at this link. I'm really pleased with how these came out. We had a lot of fun shooting them.

Sin City was pretty. I am too tired to be doing Gothic Sluts updates now, but apparently that is not stopping me.

Splatterfest at Fat Wang's amelia!

Today I received a spam email entitled "Splatterfest at Fat Wang's amelia!" and opened it thinking it was an invite to some sort of deathrock party.

I'm psyched to see Sin City with a bunch of friends tonight!

Yesterday, I was bummed about the buzz that a programmer I thought was cool got slammed pretty hard. He is so talented and I think well-meaning that I really hope things turn out okay. He could be a good kid who got set up by an evil corporation or he could be a mascot for an evil corporation or he could just be a smart guy who did a not-so-smart thing because someone waved mad cash at him. While fretting over the answer to this question, I still finished a magazine story which was very due.

I wish I had slept a bit later. This construction near me is making me want to buy a hundred acres in some humanity-forsaken corner of the earth and move there.

I misplaced my passport and need to replace it. I had to cancel two domestic trips the past couple weeks for budget reasons, but I feel good about being responsible and taking care of the things I did instead. I am hoping to work hard this month and reward myself by going along with some friends on an international trip they are planning. Depends on dough, but I need to replace my passport just in case.

I need to slowly get back into shape now that my ankle is healing up, but I'm not allowed to work out hard, so it is sort of frustrating. I'm a sprinter and I like to get my goals accomplished fast.

I'm hungry, but I can't walk to get a bite and a beverage until my healing foot will fit in one of my shoes. I am icing my ankle right now to facilitate this and it is making my foot cold.

This is not an April Fools post. The only interesting thing about April one to me is that it is W's and Miss Bunny's birthday. Happy birthday to both of you!

Happy Bunny Day!

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Nummy

I am eating leftovers of the best cheesecake ever. Lightly rasberry, slightly tart, barely carmelized on top, soft graham crust on the bottom. So good I may come just from eating it.

BMFs Probably Hear This All the Time

So I check my MySpace acct earlier today, right before I left for physical therapy. I almost never log into MySpace, so the messages always tend to be waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of date by the time I read them. One of them read as follows:

"i know you hear this all the time but i wanted you to know that you and forest do such great work and really have an eye for what you do. the first time i saw a blue blood cover was soooooo many many years ago, i've been a fan ever since. thanks for doing what you do! :) "

I wrote back thanking the chick who had written it, but what I wanted to say was that I don't hear that nearly often enough and I wish people who were thinking it would say it. And say it to me, not just to their friends.

Then I went to physical therapy and Samuel L. Jackson was in the bed next to me. It is pretty normal to converse with both your own physical therapist and other therapists and patients in the room while you are getting worked on. Samuel L. Jackson was a very interesting conversationalist and oddly enough, although I would have thought I'd know that amazing voice anywhere, I did not realize who he was right off. There was a curtain between us. Not everyone uses curtains, but sometimes a therapist will pull them for someone who is getting kinda naked or wants privacy for whatever reason. At a certain point, I realized that Samuel L. Jackson's therapist was working on a body part which really required no nudity and it suddenly popped into my head that he had the curtain pulled because of fame and not nudity and it suddenly popped into my head who I was talking to. The conversation was still entertaining for the rest of the session.

After the curtains were all pulled, I went to pay and Samuel L. Jackson started doing this cute little dance routine once he was sort of on display again. I thought about telling him that he is one of my favorite actors of all time. Totally one of those guys like Christopher Walken or John Cusak where I will see just about anything if they are in it.

I thought about telling Samuel L. Jackson that I think he is blow-me-away charismatic and brilliant and a talented and versatile actor. But I figured he probably hears that all the time and it might seem weird or something. The irony of this is not lost on me.

SXSW Pictures

Here are some of the snapshots from my recent journey. The whole kit n' kaboodle are at http://www.blueblood.net/bb_139.html along with a more extensive write-up about the trip and conference in general. I just posted my more personal feelings in my personal journal in my last post, but there's a lot to tell.















The last shot is trying to look innocent after having accidentally turned on the gas and nearly killed the three hundred and something people at the house afterparty in question. Hee hee.

Austin Was Fucking Awesome!!!!!

I should have gone to SXSW years ago. It was so cool to meet so many people from such huge successful web projects, people who have really been responsible for so much of what the internet is today.

It almost freaked me out how many of them totally remember Blue Blood in print and talked to me about how important they felt it was. I think I had sort of let myself fall into a mindset like maybe, if there were people who wanted to take credit for my accomplishments, then maybe nothing I have ever done really mattered much. It felt so good to have so many amazing people I respect so much tell me how happy they are that I am still creating, only online now.

Halcyon was a totally kickass tour guide and, as always, I find he improves my optimism. Fundamentally, I enjoy being a good person and, when people use that to try to chump me, it really makes me question everything I believe in. It was really nice for me and Forrest to get to hang out with Halcyon and Tassy and talk about not letting go of your own principles just because sometimes other people suck. Tassy totally rocks too. Halcyon told me his theory of optimism tax which I've been repeating under my breath like a little mantra. Optimism tax is the cost, the pain and loss of resources, which one experiences from time to time for believing the best about people and the world and occasionally having people and the world suck instead of being as good as you believed.

I'm going to fight where I need to, but I'm going to keep in mind that it is better to pay my optimism tax from time to time, if it means that I get to believe in good things on the front end. Other people can prove to me that I should have had less faith in them, but I'll let them do the job of being rotten downers and I'm going to look for the glass to be half full until shown otherwise.

On the Road Again

I am all packed.

My housesitter is on the way over.

I've even printed out directions to all airports involved.

I have the queasy feeling I am forgetting something, but I always feel that way before air travel. Not so much if I am going by car.

Guess I am on my way.

No Cognitive Dissonance for Me, Thanks

Who came up with the idea that punk equals two-faced? In the real world, pre-internet, I don't recall it being like that. But the internet has brought this whole injection of a charicature of Los Angeles fakeness to the scene.

People who actually live in Los Angeles and work in serious entertainment industry positions are good at playing the game. There is a certain breezy pleasantness to those plastic Angelenos who do it really well which I actually totally enjoy. You do well. You give some people the hookup. You are friendly when you run into people. All goes well. It is clear how to have good manners with people like that and it is comfortable although not deep. But you know it is not deep, so no harm no foul.

But what is up with the whole gothic/punk/alt/fetish/etc. community online? The thing seems to have spawned these mean-spirited people who think they are Joan Crawford on a devilish, back-stabbing, child-beating bender. They are not actually competing for the lead role in a major motion picture, but they will say the most appalling things about people they pretend to be friends with.

I say "pretend to be friends with", but I think that is where I just really disconnect. They really are friends by their definitions. I think that someone who talks trash with an aura of authority is not a friend. I do not have the ability to cope with the cognitive dissonance of hanging out with someone who I know in my heart is a terrible person. But there are people I come across regularly online who I would never hang out with on purpose in real life. I think a friend should be someone you can depend on, someone who will give you a shoulder to cry on or a pep talk, someone who will genuinely not want to hear someone speak ill of you, someone who will take joy in your triumphs, someone who you always want to do right by because you both know that, if the situations were reversed, they would do the same for you.

A bunch of people I'm not even thinking of right now are indubitably going to be amazingingly personally offended by this little post about what I am contemplating this minute. A bunch of people who might fit what I am talking about completely will indubitably read this and think that they sure know some other people who are like this.

Basically, I am unwilling to lie to myself. If it is obvious that someone is not really a friend, then the relationship needs to be either casual or nonexistent. There is nothing wrong with having positive acquaintances who are fun to interact with and where you both know that you best call someone else if you need bail. That is casual. But the number of people in the scene who have to lie to themselves and lie BIG in order to stand the people around them, even after six shots and two lines . . . well, I think they would be happier if they admitted to themselves what they truly know already: the people they call friends are not their friends.

A friend is not someone who simply sounds more authoritative when they make up smack talk, after trying to get your parents to disinherit you, after trying to fuck your significant other, after trying to sell your proprietary biz info to competitiors, after telling everyone how very much they wish your life would suck and how much they would like to kill you.

Friends. Learn the definition, people.

/rambling stream of consciousness post

Success

I made a really good New Years resolution this year and it's really put a lot of things into perspective. I didn't promise myself I would lose weight or anything like that. I just made a pact with myself to stop feeling bad about success. I never thought I would be one of those fear of success people, but I didn't understand how anti-success so much of my community is. So I resolved to stop feeling bad about success, stop being afraid of success, stop apologizing for my success, and generally stop letting other people make me feel sad about my success. Success should bring feelings of joy and gratitude. I worked for it. I earned it. And I still appreciate the world around me when things go my way.

Joy, happiness, pleasure, gratitude, appreciation, and a general sense of well-being are appropriate responses to success.

I feel really good and really right with myself. This one teensy resolution has really helped put a lot of things in perspective and made easy choices which once would have been difficult. I feel like I was working on a puzzle for ages and all I needed for the whole thing to come together is the one piece I finally found. It is like everything is just falling into place. Feels weird though. A little bit difficult to get my head around but a good thing.