IRRITATING [EXPLETIVE DELETED] LONDON AFTER MIDNIGHT

So, I'm having another party at the Key Club on January 30. Blue Blood hotties will be performing. The bands were initially going to be London After Midnight headlining and Dead Girls Corp opening.

So London After Midnight asks for a stupid amount of money and I agree to pay it, even though it is outrageously high. Then London After Midnight says they won't share a stage with Dead Girls. Then LAM says they won't share a stage with any other band I mention. Then they say they won't share the stage with any other band period. Then they tell me they are concerned about sharing the stage with any of my models. Then they tell me they are concerned about exactly who all the sponsors are going to be and want to be able to approve and veto them before I accept any.

Then, after I've agreed to a million asinine requests, they tell me that one of the members of the band is going to be unavailable, perhaps out of town, on January 30th. They do not seem to be able to tell me which band member.

So........ who do people like at the moment? Please, please, please, make some suggestions of bands you all would like to see me book. Post 'em or email me at Amelia@BlueBlood.net

If you are in a band and you are interested in playing, please mention what you generally like to get when you do a show i.e. $, drinks, etc. I will be booking for shows besides this one this year.

My parties are not really money-making ventures, they are to have a good time and give people I work with such as cool models a chance to shine and mingle and have fun. But the last band who headlined a party of mine got a better label deal out of it. :-)

Splatter Xmas

Okay, I'm starting to get over being sick. Whenever Mark has a shindig at Spike, I always seem to get a cold afterwards. Very mysterious.

So forrestblack and I went to celebrate the holidays with our ghoulish pals. Saw luxotica, machina, yrcomplacency, barb_cure, veronica_o, and of course splatter and many non-LJ folks. yrcomplacency showed me her lovely breasts. Multiple Meltdown cover-hotties were in attendance. Fun was had.











I'll be doing more structured galleries of stuff like this on BlueBlood.net in 2004, but we are getting ready for a relaunch now. If anyone is interested in doing photography or writing for Blue Blood in 2004, please feel free to post your qualifications and interests or email me at Amelia@BlueBlood.net

Anyway, here is a secret URL on Blue Blood with rest of the snapshots from the evening's festivities: http://www.BlueBlood.net/gallery/splatterxmassnaps/index.htm As always with snapshots (not to be confused with pro work, studio photography, etc.) if a pic is of you, feel free to repost it in your journal or communities.

Ack Ack

Had a great shoot today, despite the fact that my voice is still all jacked up. Long shoot but I think the photographs are going to look really awesome. Great girls and feeling inspired through the phlegm.

I really want to be able to scratch the insides of my lungs right now. They itch.

Wanted to go out tonight, but that is not going to happen. I will now return to my coughing schedule.

Bleah

I'm sick and lost my voice.

Mmm

My bank sent me a big tin of cookies. They are very yummy. Especially the cinnamon. I'm going to have to share them with Forrest 'cause he took the fine ass photos of me eating them to put in my thank you note:



Went to Mark's shindig tonight. Pix later. Bath now because now I smell like smoke. Then TiVo while eating cookies. Mmmmm

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Punk Rock Points


Here is my justification for why I do not lose punk rock points for this: It takes a jumping on the tables woman to lay claim in public to her Joe Jackson albums.

Kill Me Now

Is she really going out with him?
Is she really going to take him home tonight?

I remember being a bad little underage girl, hanging out with older guys who would sing this song as a group (without the benefit of karaoke) while drunk.

My friend Sarah just got me to (a) discover that I still have my old Joe Jackson albums and (b) play them and (c) admit it publicly.

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Arizona Trip: Alcohol May Have Been Involved

So I went to Phoenix and Tucson and had a really great time. Went to visit a friend who is sadly leaving a company I do business with, but he is going on to cool things and he is a good enough friend that I am happy for him, even if it is inconvenient for me.



I was offered a good deal on a suite upgrade at the Hilton and I took it for the jacuzzi. I requested a nonsmoking room. They gave me room 420. It took a few to find my suite, because someone had stolen the number. At the Hilton.



My friend limoed us to this awesome Japanese restaurant where they cooked your food at the table, including lighting it on fire. He had his limo driver sing us old time crooner music. The restaurant was like Benihana, only with good food and good service. They told the restaurant it was my birthday, even though my birthday is August 19 (LEO BABY ROWR!) and so the waiters and everyone sang to me and gave me a souvenir sushi-themed cup. Everyone but me did sake bombers. I chose to drink what was apparently banana-flavored gasoline. Oops.



Then went to cool party. Saw many folks I knew online but not in person before. Ran into many pals from past events and online.



Arizona is sometimes the same time zone as Los Angeles, but sometimes it is an hour off. Also, last call there on a Thursday is 1am. So it was like midnight for me when I got back to the hotel. I was prepared to have a party in my suite, but fortunately sounder minds prevailed over mine.

So I came back to the Hilton and used the business center while intoxicated. Logged onto ICQ remotely. Got an urgent call-me ICQ from someone I had told to stay the fuck off of my ICQ for the month of December. This would of course be the second time he has ICQed me since I told him that. Was drunk enough that my tipsy brain figured it must be important, so I called, even though this dude has been 10% cool guy I'd really really really like to be friends with and 90% headache since I first came across him. Got his voicemail and thought I was covered.

Then everyone who *ever* calls me in the wee hours of the morning . . . called me. Including my brother waking me up to be supportive about me meeting my parents the next day. And including the guy who ICQed me who called back. Told me that he had been plotting against me from go and was going to betray me. I told him that was expected as every friend I ever had who drove a Jetta eventually betrayed me in some significant way. Not that he had actually quite progressed to really counting as a friend yet anyhow and not like he really has any way I can think of to betray me, other than being an unreliable and sexually aggressive dick and he has already covered those bases pretty thoroughly.

Then met my mom for lunch. Visited with my parents for a couple days and it was really excellent and fun and terrific. I'd been apprehensive, but it was great. Like really greatWe went to this cool desert museum where I got to see all kinds of flora and fauna which is unique to the area.

Got all my party pix posted now at: http://www.spookycash.com/fun/ccbilllangearizona/index.html
I'll get the desert museum ones posted later on.

My parents really know how to eat well too. I swear my father has barely aged in the last decade. Same vampire pact with the devil as yours truly. I guess I don't look like the postman.

So I came home really chill and relaxed and happy. And I'm like I sure hope that I don't end up beserk as soon as I get back online . . . to be continued . . .

Google Fight

Okay, I just lost a half hour of my life to this toy. I see no reason why I should be the only one.

I am more popular than boredom! I win!

Another page!

Forrest finished another page of the XXXSpaceGirls.net tour. Only one left to go. Whoo-hoo! Went out for a little while tonight. Much work to do. Will post about it later.



Ya know, you can check the site out for as little as $2.95. Hint, hint.

Filter

I used to have no filter at all. I was comfortable with everything about me and felt that everyone else should be too. So I would answer any question put to me, no matter how inappropriate. Now, I am oddly private about a lot of things. And I can't decide when it is the right time to disclose things about myself. So I answered with the preceding list when asked to come up with 10 things people might not know about me. I tried to make them kind of parallel to what other people had posted. Then I felt like it was sort of personal and thus belonged in my personal journal Then I felt sort of oogie about posting it in a more business-oriented context and deleted my post from the board I originally banged it out on the keyboard for. But I'm leaving it here.

Only it is the internet. And you never really know who your audience is online. This makes writing anything sort of creepy.

10 Things You Might or Might Not Know About Me

Someone on a board I occasionally post on started a thread on this topic and it seemed like fun. I posted nine 100% true things and one not totally true thing. The untrue one was sort of board-specific, so these are all the true ones:

1. I first got into selling naughty pictures in 4th grade when a friend and I glued some Europorn from her mom's boyfriend's collection to construction paper. My parents put a stop to that business. I started publishing subcultural erotica in print and only moved to the internet a long time later. I've been interviewed about my various naughty publishing ventures by MTV, HBO, FOX, The Washington Post, The New York Times Magazine, Salon, and a bunch of other magazines, zines, newspapers, TV, and radio, but I've been feeling really disillusioned about press lately.

2. My favorite video game will always be old skool arcade Robotron. I have a soft spot for House of the Dead. Had real guns pointed at me but never been shot at.

3. I come out of the DC punk scene and the musical scene there had more cross-pollination and gothindustrial was considered punk.

4. I've never been caught masturbating at work, but offhand I can't think of a job I ever worked for someone else for any length of time where I didn't masturbate at work.

5. [out of context]

6. I love road trips. I love travel. I love the sense of possibility and adventure in visiting new places. I love the different perspectives I can get from talking to new people in new places. I love seeing the sun set in a different place.

7. I went to the emergency room as a small child after eating my grandmother's watch. Also a bunch of times during a nihilistic period of my life when I hung out with very bad drivers and was in more than ten accidents in like two years.

8. I went to 12 schools in 12 years, and lived in five countries on three continents, before moving out and going to university when I was 16.

9. If I wasn't in adult, I would just keep doing all the nonadult projects I do. There are not enough hours in the day as is.

10. When I lived in New York, my family had box seats to the Yankees and the Mets. I would go to Yankees games and, as soon as they were ahead, I would fall asleep. I would go to Mets games and, as soon as they were behind, I would fall asleep.

Another page!

Forrest is rocking on the new tour stuff for XXXSpaceGirls.net

The newest page is very naughty:

OMFG

In just the last few days, Blue Blood sites have gotten press from AVN, Boing Boing, Marquis, and Variety! Whoo-hoo!

Hi Kayla

Went over to Kayla's place last night. Had a great time. Accidentally drove with an open container in the car *before* I started drinking. I have no idea what my excuse for that is, other than that I am still not accustomed to being able to drink, so the whole rules for alcohol thing is not at the forefront of my brain. Kayla made meatloaf and we drank a variety of beers as I could not make my mind up in the supermarket. I think I drank most of the Fosters and she drank most of the Sam Adams Pale Ale. Kayla told a story about a shoot where she relented on forcing a giant strap-on on someone and let him just lick her ass. She told the story in the supermarket line and caused much blushing around us. Bwa ha ha ha . . . Made drunken posts on the internet. Took turns sending instant messages to various people who could not keep straight who they were talking to. Probably because we weren't telling. Dominated someone into apologizing to Kayla for something rude he had posted. Looked at weird stuff like used Rolexes people we knew were shopping for on ebay. Made drunken phone calls to various webmasters and other long-suffering folks. Hi Tybalt! Kayla has THREE awesome dogs. Even after undergoing the lint brush, I have dog slobber and fur all over my clothes, but it was worth it. Periodically through the evening I would remember that there were people watching a cam stream of us eating and drinking and using the computer and playing with doggies.

Weird sized banners

I kind of like weird sized banners, but it is hard to figure out where to put them on the page.









Regular sized banners are almost invisible to me now, unless they are REALLY cool.

Also

Hey, Wendy, you're a bitch!

So you want to be an alternative model . . .

spikyme just posted the most awesome advice for aspiring models in his journal:

"Just to follow up on my previous post about girls aspiring to be a "fetish" or "goth" model.

You don't need a committee to tell you if you're good or not.


Here's a few things that will help if you want to "be successful!"
This isn't aimed at anybody in particular and isn't a rant, it's more like an observation.

Be good looking
Be willing to show your cooch
Be easy to work with
Run your own website/learn html so you can update it regularly
Have your pictures taken by someone who's work looks professional
Sport a cool wardrobe
Communicate with people in "the biz" regularly

Ok the cooch part isn't extremely necessary.

I'm just mentioning this because it's become so silly how serious people are about small stuff like belonging to a clique or some sort of elite community. It's not like mainstream modeling anyway."


I know we've got some "friends" in common, but I thought anyone on my list who had not seen his post yet should. I had the following to add:


Know what your goals and reasons are. Do you want to get paid? Do you want to be famous? Do you want something you do besides modeling to get promoted? Do you want to piss off your ex? Do you want to help friends promote their bands, designs, clubs, whatever? Do you want someone to make you a site? Do you want to be in magazines? Do you just want to have a good time creating something with friends that will last after you and your friends are wrinkled and gray?

The number one thing that will make me skip shooting someone is if I think he or she is fuzzy on why he or she wants to do it and is likely to come back later with a "Why didn't I get blah blah blah too?" sort of issue.

Hey, Wendy, you're a bitch!

Gah, I have way too much to do and I just don't feel like doing it.

Reminder to self: When you are in your journal contemplating the meaning of life, remember you are supposed to be finalizing Vegas stuff and addressing content and password work.

Spacegirls tour coming along

Another page of the new tour for XXXSpaceGirls.net is done now. Forrest rules!

I've learned to deal with it the right way

Hey Wendy, you're a bitch

Hey Token, right here buddy

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San Diego

So, the Blue Blood crew has two new membership sites coming this month, so yesterday I convinced Forrest that it made sense to drive to San Diego to hang out with a bunch of reprobate pals for lunch, after having stayed up all the night before working on site launch stuff.





Do we look vaguely ill or what!? In a cute festive way, I mean. Actually, Forrest is just getting over a really bad cold, so I am a bad influence.

Twitching like a serial killer

I have a tick in my right eye that has been driving me crazy. Anyone know how you get a tick in your eye to stop or where one comes from? Is this some sort of weird vitamin deficiency or am I about to go postal? I don't feel especially beserk at the moment. Except for the eye thing.

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Eva Klench is fly and so is everyone who reads my random musings here

Extra pleased with the update I just did for Gothic Sluts:




I just want to say a GIANT THANK YOU to everyone who has been really cool reading my journal/blog lately. A bunch of people have made really supportive and really insightful comments and it really helps and bolsters my faith in my fellow man. Or at least in you all. ;-p

Thanks, Amelia

Gender Issues

Fuck but I HATE HATE HATE being a woman. I hate that, if I don't flirt, it makes it hard to do business. I hate that, if I do flirt, it makes it hard to do business. I hate that I will be trying to make a business deal with someone and they will want to talk to Forrest instead of me. Not because he is the one interested in the deal. Just because he has a real penis and mine is a modern space age polymer.

Was going to do a post about having a really nice time out last night, but, put me back at work for a few hours, and I am posting about what I loathe.

And another thing, I'm always open to new and creative ways of doing business, doing things which are of mutual benefit, but I'm kinda tired of offering free consulting. Why is it that people are always hitting me up to make them famous, to refer models, to recommend makeup, pick clothing, refer designers, explain complex code, to help them sell their sites . . . BUT, when they could do something for me, suddenly they have some great excuse about how something about me means that they don't have to hook me up.

From cunty models who stab me in the back as soon as they have some puny single project which they think somehow competes with my long list of projects . . . to sleazy webmasters who don't want to send my sites visitors even if I pay them unless they think they are going to get some but who wouldn't know what to do with a live girl . . . to the fucking army of people who don't really do anything but would like to waste my time asking for information on how to do their nonexistent projects, which they will then decide are competitive with mine should they ever actually get off their asses.

I have a migraine coming on.

Back to work now.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday, you know who!

Love, Amelia

Bzzz

I'm such a good little worker bee. I updated Life of Vice last night with many free naughty pictures.

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Spooky Hotties Update

Wow, Spooky Hotties has more than two thousand members. Somehow moving the site to the new server I bought speeded up its performance but screwed up the way it imprints score and stuff on pix. Hope to get that fixed soon. Saturday night and I'm workin' workin' workin'

Updated my pic on there just now:

Insomnia

Quit really drinking coffee a number of months ago, with mostly just the exception of application for menstrual cramps. Had a coffee tonight. Can't sleep.

Lying awake thinking about the fragility and ephemeral nature of human connections. The weird ways in which sex and chemicals provide human bonds in our disconnected society.

Like if you drink waters with someone, it is meaningless to most people. If you drink beers, it is a bond. I'm happy my doctor was able to make it so I am no longer particularly allergic to alcohol, but I'm not sure I like the part where I sober up and can't tell whether or not I like other people.

If you have a cool conversation with someone, it is meaningless to most people. If you include the potential for sexual relations, it is a bond. I want to be sexy. I think being sexy is good. But I used to be a lot sexier because I'm not sure I like the part where the other party realizes they are not getting the sex or the Relationship they want and they are not sure whether they like who they were conversing with.

It seems like lately, every time I put on some eyeliner and have a few drinks, there is some guy in a long term relationship telling me how I'm what he really wants, for the night, for a dirty weekend, forever, for his art, for his heart, for my perfection, for my flaws, for a lil bit o' poon. Shortly thereafter, there is generally hostility. I've lost some of the weight I gained and I'm feeling more sexual energy as I feel healthier, but I don't exactly look the best I ever have, and I'm kinda baffled by the repetition of this sort of interaction.

As I get some help with the work aspects of the online stuff I do, I'm thinking about finally putting up a personal site on AmeliaG.com. Maybe put some of my fiction up, information for people who want to stalk me, stuff like that.

Hot bath is finished running. Going to check what I've got on TiVo now and watch while I de-soggify.

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Coders and Cannibals

So, you can take this quiz at http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/ to see if you can pick out who is a serial killer and who invented a programming language, based on appearance. I got a 6/10. Apparently, the answer would be that both character classes are kinda creepy. Not that that is really a news bulletin.

PS Leftovers are yummy.

Sated

I ate carrot ginger soup. Normally might not like that, but they were heavier on the ginger than the carrots. I had baby greens with blue cheese and pecans and vinegar dressing of some sort. I had turkey with amazing gravy. I had mashed potatoes. No low-carbing on Thanksgiving. I had yummy stuffing. I had brussel sprouts. Cranberry sauce. Weird little unidentified yellow veggies. Baby organic carrots. Rasberries and strawberries in a special cream sauce and a taste of someone else's cinnamon gelato.

I so totally LOVE Los Angeles. Only in LA, is there a large choice of restaurants which will create Thanksgiving feasts. This was a damn good one too.

Thinking about doing some work now, so I can finish some stuff I've got about to launch. Also thinking about hitting the TiVo. Feeling good.

Fucking Beverly Hills Vampires

I had to have a whole buncha blood drawn yesterday. It didn't make me as sick as it did last time, but I think they used a bigger needle to make it go faster and I've got a giant track mark on my left arm now.

My grandmother was kind of tyrant about the family getting together for Thanksgiving. So my parents don't do it at all. My brother may get in from Japan and get added to my restaurant reservations. Genocide can be yummy after all.

I got to have a lot of fun this weekend, while doing productive business. I'm about to bring someone I really like on board to do more cool Blue Blood work. I'm working on closing multiple deals I am genuinely happy and excited and optimistic about. I've been losing about ten pounds a month without dieting as I slide back towards a normal weight for me. I just got a haircut I love.

Feeling sort of off and low today though. Could be PMS. Forrest has a cold. I hope I'm not getting one too. More likely I'm just feeling the aftereffects of having so much blood drawn. Maybe I will drink some blueberry and pomegranite juice to get my blood sugar up.

Either it is one of those things or I'm actually kinda sad today. I might be sad because I intended to do some creative writing today, but I didn't feel like it when I sat down at the computer. I might be sad because I hate the thing where I enjoy new groups of people so so so much when I first come across them, but then I see who hates who and infighting and two-faced politicking and all that are just things I've never learned to handle. I moved all the time as a kid, so, when a situation looks icky to me at all, I feel the urge to move on.

Holidays sort of piss me off. I don't really take days off and things like weekends when other people don't do anything productive kinda offend me.

Okay, going to go drink some juice and Perrier in a hot bath. I'm sure I will be feeling fine and ready for yummy food after that.

I said a plain cheeseburger, motherfucker, why you make me kill you for nothin

So, I deliberately got and consumed most of a non-plain cheeseburger tonight for the first time in my life. I'm either growing as a person or being replaced by a pod person. Tough call which.

Bonus points to anyone who knows what the title of this post is a reference to.

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Uh-oh


Wow, I don't think I can post my pictures from Saturday night.

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I know it is wrong

I know it is wrong, but, mmmmmmm, Mmmmmmmmmmmmax Hardcore:



One of the disturbing things about him is that he has really good manners.

If I am going to hell, I want VIP seating.

More of Amelia G's Thursday night may be viewed at http://www.spookycash.com/fun/webmasteraccesssantamonica/thursday/index.html

LOL

OMFG, there are already drunk-ass pix of me online from last night!
I'm just downloading from my camera now. I can't even believe I'm awake.

The O.C.

So my TiVo only got two of the three episodes of The O.C. I missed while doing Vancouver, Vegas, and Portland. Darn it. Just spent some time catching up on the two it got and masturbating. I am so going to HELL for touching myself to that show.

I'm dehydrated, but that was fucking fun

Going to a webmaster convention this weekend. Went to the first event of the weekend last night. Which was of course a night at a bar where everyone drank as fast as they could in order to be able to stand being around other people, instead of just their computer.

Bought a new snapshot camera yesterday afternoon. Drunken snapshots galore forthcoming early next week. Forrest even let me (and various other drunken fools) take his picture!



Unfortunately, my car broke down for the first time yesterday. There is construction near this gas station by my house, so maybe gassing up there messed up the fuel pump. Regardless, it needs a new fuel pump and they are expensive and I am very irate that my baby failed me. If thine car offend thee, cast it out. So I told the dealership it got towed to to tell me what a trade in would be and they could just keep the car which let me down and sell me a new one. I just can't have things in my life which can't be depended on any more. But they tried to do that dealer crap where they are all slow about telling the numbers and try to baffle you with the information and waste as much of your time as possible.

So I went and got a rental 2004 Lincoln Town Car from an awesomely cool and nice rental guy who said he just might be familiar with or sites such as GothicSluts.com. Going to keep the new one until Monday and then call around for pricing. A friend of mine was like that is great that you are able to do that. I'm like I might not be able to, but I want to.

Talking to my brother in Japan on the phone. My brother says he sublimates our parents bad habits and attitudes into an ongoing interior monologue of horror.

Only got up to have some water. Going back to bed momentarily.

My new career is going to be jacuzzi inspector

Portland entry numero nine

Spent the morning masturbating with the jets in the balcony hot tub. Heinekin tastes better, but MGD bottles make better sex toys. Took a shower in the excellent quality water Portland has. Feel all tingley now.

Waiting for the bellman to put my bags in storage, so I can wander around the city until it is time to head to the airport.

Then going to check out what may be the largest book store in the world.

If I get to the airport early, I am going to get a massage. Got one at the Vancouver airport and it was great. Makes airline travel a lot less stressful.

I really needed this trip. I am going to come home so loaded for bear and ready to take on all the things I need to. Whoo-hoo!

Stay tuned for can't-leave-the-house-eating-delivery-food-avoiding-fabulous-party-I-should-go-to-clowns-will-eat-me-and-copycats-will-be-rude-to-me post.

At least I have a sense of humor about it.

Portland Entry #8

Ate polenta pancakes with fruit compote and fennel sausage and fresh grapefruit juice. Eating is really nice in this city.

I am going to make some more dough and come back here to write a novel like I've fantasized for years.

Right now I am going to get packed up and maybe hit the hot tub one more time before going bookstore exploring.

PS Damn, there are some hotties in this city. I forgot how much I love northern wardrobe and complexions.

Portland entry #7

Ate some more yummy cold climate food.

Got to wear my new skulls sweater.

Had another awesome shoot today. Long one. Apparently shooting on the balcony around 6pm on a Friday night can be an issue though. Forrest was downstairs copying the model's ID and the model and I were admittedly being very bad on the balcony. She had this awesome terrifying fetish surgeon's outfit and was waving at the people watching from the neighboring building. I confess I might have taken a few shots of the windows people were watching from. So Forrest comes back from the business center with one of the hotel people and the hotel person who was at the desk is like the next door hotel called to complain about flashing. How odd. We expected someone to say something, but our hotel is so fucking cool that they never said a word. They did however send the bellman up the street to go to the local deli and coffee shop to get the types of food and coffee we all wanted.

Really, there is a hot tub on the balcony, so it is not like our party could have involved the first naked people on there. Maybe the neighbors call all the time about balcony naughtiness.

The model and I decided the complaints about flashing must have been the studio lights on the balcony and not the nudity, so we did a series of her in the hot tub after that, just without the big lights. She and I bonded on being creeped out about germs and she is working on opening a coffee shop even though she avoids aspirin, much less caffeine. I have the coolest and most interesting models on the planet!

Portland entry #6

Well, I can't say I'm sleeping through the night much better for being out of town, but the change of scene is cool.

Yesterday, checked out the local square in Portland. Ate hotdogs. Had chicken soup. Had a mushroom tart.

Did some webmaster drinking. Did some more webmaster drinking.

Took a nap.

Did a shoot at a cool chick's place. No one in Los Angeles ever wants to shoot in their home. I think it is partly because a lot of people there are fronting and partly because a lot of people are just coming through and won't really move there until their ship comes in and partly because a lot of people have business stuff in their homes in Los Angeles. I used to always shoot people in their own space, partly for the models' comfort and partly because there is something really real and erotic about that. Was cool to do it again.

Did a shoot at a punk rock dyke bar after closing time. Had to kick out the folks doing afterhours drugs on the bar. Hope they didn't mind, but I prefer closed sets.

Fucked in the balcony hot tub while the sun rose. I guess people who got to work early today in downtown Portland got to see some extra-energetic action.

Was thinking about using the executive gym by the business center in the hotel, but I think I might go get some soup in the hotel restaurant instead. I'm not dressed for the restaurant, I'm dressed for a workout, but I'm charging it to my suite, darn it, so I'm thinking the dress code does not apply to me.

Actually, one of my mutant abilities when I was younger and more in touch with myself was to get good and appropriate service in nice places no matter what I was wearing. I could have multicolored hair and tape on my nipples and get a good table. I think it was my faith that allowed that. I believed in what I was doing and who I was sufficiently that it never occurred to me that other people would have any significant issues with it. The only place this did not work was Denny's, which of course is not a nice place anyway and this is the main reason, besides the leaden food, that I don't like Denny's to this day.

Portland entry #5

Went to a dive bar to meet up with awesome model and friends. Forrest ate pizza and drank beer. I just drank a lot of beer. Discussed masturbation tastes, lesbian sex, birthday fisting, Hemingway, Cometbus, Subway's food as a diet aid, college, writing, self-expression, and tits.

Had a really really really great time.

Never made it to the second club. Was told it was sorta far. Maybe it was.

Threw up eight or nine times. First time I have thrown up from drinking since I was a young teen I think. Trying to remember when the last time was and haven't come up with it yet.

Took cab back to hotel even though it was close by.

Got in jacuzzi soaking tub for a while to get poisons out.

Had a lot of fun out last night, but more and more lately I feel like I'm some sort of odd rider in my head and that the activities I am engaging in are really just someone else I am watching do these things. Like a movie where I think the character is really a blast to hang out with, but I can't say I really share her values or tastes.

Damn but Portland is fucking fun though!

Portland Fucking Rocks!

Great shoot today.

Off for beer and hot wings, followed by titties and costumes if not too snockered...

Portland entry #3

For years, I have had this fantasy about spending a month in Portland and writing a brilliant novel. Then some competitive thieving jerks moved to Portland and sort of polluted my dream on that. LOL, I just realized that more than one person is going to read that last sentence and think I meant them. Ah, well. I don't know how some people live with themselves. I've done two things I think are wrong in the past like five years and I kick myself for them regularly. Don't bother guessing. I'm pretty sure no one reading my journal could possibly know both. Correction: Two people do, but they won't be guessing.

I guess I should make some phone calls and get ready for my shoot this afternoon. Then I'm hitting the town. Rumination on debauchery coming later. Possibly in a few minutes if the folks I need to phone are still asleep. Wake-up call is soon, but apparently I've given up sleeping at all normally.

Vegas entry #2

I had a really cool cab driver in Vegas too

Portland entry #2

There is a Japanese style soaking tub with jacuzzi jets on the balcony of my suite in my hotel in Portland. Tried around three sex things I've never done before.

Perhaps too much information for a not exactly private blog, but I'm tired of the huge split between my public and private selves and I'm working on bringing them closer together.

Portland entry #1

People in the Pacific NW are a lot less driven than I am. People anywhere really, but it takes some getting used to in Portland. Had a great shoot last night. Had our model bring her boyfriend to tie her up and he was totally cool. That is right, one of my beautiful sexy incredible could-have-anyone models is actually going out with a good-looking guy who is pleasant to be around and nice to her. Whoo-hoo!

Vegas

So checking a bunch of my online stuff remotely is difficult, but there is high speed internet in the business center in my Portland hotel.

Was great seeing Szandora in Vegas. I wish people would stop talking trash about me to anyone I care about and work with though. Like why can't the biters just find their own people to be interested in, but it seems like they just wait for me to find cool new models or interests or whatever and then try to jump on my coattails and copy whatever I am doing that week.

Enjoyed the jacuzzi tub at the Luxor. Their gym was great too. Had a really good workout. They've got these high tech treadmills where you enter your age and weight and fitness goals and put your hands on the bars and it adjusts the incline for how much strength you are using and the speed for how much cardio according to how it reads your heartrate. And there are little drink holders for your water too. I am sore today though.

Got to meet a webmaster chick I knew from the boards online and go to a Vegas locals bar. We had an odd assortment of stuff in common and that was cool. Obviously, I'm looking to hire and she has a good gig now, but it was totally fun to hang out with her and the evening didn't end with her telling me I needed to put out or she wouldn't like me any more.

She says she doesn't get the stuff from the adult webmaster community where the guy webmasters are all weird and rude and insistent about sex. She is not unattractive, so I wish I knew what I was doing. I figure if some women I talk to have it happen and some don't, then maybe there is a pattern. Possibly one I'd be comfortable adjusting my behavior on and possibly not, but I wish I could figure it out.

In all fairness, there is one person from the adult webmaster boards where I understand why they might have been irritated I was not down for having sex with them, but I am baffled by the rest and more than a little annoyed. I know that hiring someone to be the http://www.spookycash.com/ rep will fix the immediate problem, but sometimes not knowing where the issue comes from makes me crazy.

Flew out of Vegas on an 8am flight. Didn't really sleep beforehand. Screaming children on the plane.

Deep Breaths

Well, having been off the weird speedy antibiotics for a few, I would have to say that they were contributing to me freaking out. Plus, much as I hate to have any womanly weaknesses, my late period just started and it is an odd light pink. Don't know WTF that is, but I think it finally starting is improving my mood.

I know I've behaved in some really out of character ways recently and hopefully I haven't done any damage I can't fix.

A bunch of supportive folks really made a big difference to me. Huge thank yous to the folks who posted here and on certain boards and who talked to me on ICQ and on the phone. You know who you are. I was really really spinning out like I haven't since I was a teenager and your support really made a difference. My mom was even really cool. Sometimes the world gives back some of what it takes away and stuff works out.

Still trying to make some difficult decisions, but trying to remember to take deep breaths. I think this trip is going to do me good. I've got an amazing room at a boutique hotel reserved for Portland. I was going to stay at Luxor in Vegas, but Bellagio is running a cool promotion, so I'm debating.

I've only been drinking iced lattes during my period for the last few months, so I think I'm going to celebrate my bleeding with a little walk to Starbucks now that the sun is coming up. Better put a load of laundry in first or I'm never going to get packed to get to the airport in time.

Just so you all do not worry. I will be mostly offline for a little over a week, but it will be because I am shooting (and hopefully recharging my personal batteries) in Vegas and Portland and not because I shot myself or overdosed.

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Okey Dokey

All right. Anyone who has been reading my journal recently can tell that as sinisher said, something has got to give.

Dingopariah, it was really great talking to you today. So good to talk to someone who really knows me while I'm all fishing for my identity. I hope you feel better soon and seriously feel free to call my cell every day while I am out of town if you feel like it.

I'm going to take a trip and hopefully that will improve my mood. I'm also hopefully going to finish this last course of antibiotics and get to stop taking them.

I'm also going to do some hiring. I need some help and trying to do too much myself is not helping matters.

Next post will be a hiring call and journal folks should feel free to repost it whererever.

Los Angeles

Hmm, I just ICQed someone who moved to my town the following without really thinking about it:

Welcome to the beautiful sunny city that makes your dreams come true and eats your soul.

So many of my dreams really have come true here.

In case the changed character of some of my posting is striking some folks as odd, I've been really working on getting back in touch with me. Not an easy task in Los Angeles. Also, I've been on medication which has been making my wisdom tooth sockets heal up, but I think it may also have some undesireable side effects, especially when coupled with weird antibiotics.

I will return to my regularly scheduled hooterfest soon.

Pretty much the perfect woman. False alarm.

So a bunch of what is bothering me is sort of a combo of little things, but I think they are as follows:

(1) The medications I am on for bone healing and my cold seem to be making me feel and act really not myself and my period is pretty late at this point.

(2) I feel like a lot of the time the people who should help me the most are actually the ones who hurt me the most.

(3) As I've gotten more of the things I want it has gotten a lot harder for me to really make friends. There are people who want to fuck me and people who want to get some business thing out of me and people who want to drop my name and people who want to dangle a carrot of something they could do in front of me and see if I dance. But every time I think I've met someone I can maybe hang out with from time to time and confide in a little, it turns out to be a tease. It makes me too shy to meet anyone in person that I actually like from online and want to be friends with. I'm having trouble reconciling getting fanmail and being afraid to reach out to anyone new at the same time.

Example 3a: There is a girl I used to shoot who I really really liked. I told her things I didn't tell anyone else. The last person I mentioned this to assumed I meant I'd been molested or something, but really I just mean intimate feelings and genuine info about what was up with me. Then this girl decided at the poisonous urging of someone who deludes herself into thinking she has a competitive site that clearly our relationship was just a business one. I offered her anything she wanted, no matter how unreasonable, to make her happy, but what she wanted was apparently to be unhappy. She recently visited Los Angeles and couldn't be bothered to come outside and say hello to me when other people she was with did.

Example 3b: There is an adult webmaster who asked me to come hang out with him at least once a week just about every week between May and September. Finally, in September, I went for drinks with him. I felt like we really clicked and had a good time, but, at the end of the night, he pitched a huge fit about me not sleeping with him. After that though, we chatted a bunch on ICQ and I thought we were going to be cool anway. Then, on my recent trip to Vancouver, he was all psycho and jealous about me whenever I came up in conversation and actively tried to get people not to hang out with me and people kept asking me if I was having a thing with the guy or had been dating him or something. Not that he seemed to want to hang out with me either, other than one failed attempt at the beginning of the weekend to get me to fuck him. An attempt to which he did not even bother to bring a condom. Turns out the guy actually has a girlfriend outside the industry anyway. But he is still apparently telling people they shouldn't hang out with me. Beats me what he is saying that it is working, but a couple of people have basically told me that they are scared to admit to hanging out with me because of how this guy will react.

Example 3c: The person in Los Angeles who I feel has been most hospitable to me in the past years has really stepped up the hitting-on-Amelia. Last time I went to a party at his place, he tried to kiss me when his girlfriend was asleep a few rooms away. I dodged the kiss and it landed on my cheek and I thought it was all okay. Then he starts this rap about how I am pretty much the perfect woman. When we ended up alone for a few minutes, he starts telling me that the age difference between him and his girlfriend makes it so she doesn't understand him. My girlfriend doesn't understand me? What kind of cliche garbage is that? Then, next time I see him, he has to grab my tit when I'm trying to do him a favor as a friend.

Example 3d: When I moved to LA, I was helped out by a girl who had been one of my closest friends for over a decade. Yes, I had gotten myself into a bad situation and needed a hand, but I had helped her out of similar situations before. Twice. So really, if one wanted to be petty about it, I'm still one up. But it was like the relationship was not supposed to be two ways and she couldn't forgive me for wanting it to be equal and not always me on top and in charge. I'd still like to be friends with this girl, but rehashing the past with her just sounds painful, but I think I'll have to if I want to be friends again and even then it may not work. Only the whole new friends thing is not going how I want.

(4) I feel a real lack of purity in a lot of my existence now. I want to do things because they are good, because they are cool and because I share values with the people I'm doing them with. But somehow the internet has turned everyone into a business spy. If I tell someone I'm thinking about doing more fantasy/sf work, suddenly everyone they know is scrambling in that direction. If I tell someone I'm thinking about using a particular designer, suddenly that designer is having power outtages while working on my stuff and working for the other guy. But if I have anything the other person could do for me, I feel like any friendly overture I make is not okay then. I miss being a broke-ass punk-rocker in a group house in many ways and that just seems fucked up.

(5) I feel like I could really be being cooler myself to the people I love while trying to sort this all out. I'm really not trying to throw the baby out with the bathwater, just really don't know what to do.

(6) I feel like every social situation is a test of whether or not I will put something in my body. I like people based on my perception of whether they are good or have a sense of humor or are kind or are friendly or fun or intelligent etc. Apparently other people have a multiple choice test on whether or not I will put beer or hard liquor or coke or pot or heroin or meth or one of their body parts into me and that determines association. Sometimes the answer is supposed to be no and sometimes yes, but that is the test. I don't remember high school being this stupid.

(7) I feel like everything I do is so under scrutiny that I can fuck up way less than most people do, but it is still a giant problem when I do.

(8) I feel like I am fucking up.

(9) I can't sleep through the night.

I am hoping a trip will cure whatever it is that ails me. If not, I can always use the Automated Suicide Note Generator if I can't figure out any succint way to express what pains me.

Most recent Blue Blood newsletter

Forrest is cool and got this out last night!

HERE’S YOUR BLUEBLOOD NEWSLETTER:
- Model Call for Portland and Vegas
- Rubber Dollies Contest Winners
- Pills, Thrills, Chills, and Heartache: Adventures in the First Person
- Tattoo Savage #56
- Lollipop #33
- GothicSluts.com Free Picture of the Day
- Marquis #29
- Contact Reminder: Jps.net e-mails discontinued, West Hollywood snail

MODEL CALL FOR PORTLAND AND VEGAS
You must be interested in both fashion and nude modeling.
You must be rockin' one or more of the following looks: gothic, punk,
fetish, good tattoos, other damn weirdo individual.
You must be comfortable modeling at least topless and clear on what your
personal limits are. These are either paid gigs or content trade gigs
if you have your own site.

Please write to Amelia@BlueBlood.net and send a picture(s) of yourself
or a link to a picture(s) along with what magazines and web sites you
are most interested in appearing in, what levels of nudity and/or
explicit actitivy you are comfortable with/interested in doing on
camera, and say whether you are in Portland or Vegas and whether you
have your own site. If you recently submitted to
sadistintern@blueblood.net, please resubmit.
VEGAS MODELS November 9-11
PORTLAND MODELS November 11-15
Among other things, we are shooting for http://www.rubberdollies.com/
and http://www.gothicsluts.com/ and http://www.barelyevil.com/
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REPOST THIS MODEL CALL TO MODEL LISTS, YAHOO GROUPS,
BOARDS ETC.

RUBBER DOLLIES CONTEST WINNERS
http://www.rubberdollies.com/contest/
The RubberDollies.com banner making contest winners were Alain, Tootie,
Avion, and Snipah7. Winners are being notified.

PILLS, THRILLS, CHILLS, AND HEARTACHE: ADVENTURES IN THE FIRST PERSON
http://www.spookylinks.com/cgi-bin/links/jump.cgi?ID=1793
This anthology of fiction from the fringe was edited by celebrated
troublemakers, who Blue Blood folks will no doubt be familiar with,
Clint Catalyst and Michelle Tea. Amelia G has a previously unpublished
short story of hers called "Restraint" included in this book, alongside
names including Dennis Cooper, Pleasant Gehman, JT LeRoy, Pauley P, and
other amazing writers. This is a groundbreaking collection and Amelia is
thrilled to be included. This is Amelia's first new short fiction work
to be published in quite a while.

TATTOO SAVAGE #56
The current issue of Tattoo Savage has Eva Klench of BarelyEvil.com fame
on the cover and inside. There is also a 32 page supplement featuring
the best freakiest portraiture from past issues and there are three full
page photos by Forrest Black and Amelia G included in the
restrospective!

LOLLIPOP #33
The current issue of Lollipop has a shot of Apocalypse Theatre's Hope
taken by Amelia G and Forrest Black for GothicSluts.com and Hope is
showing off one of the delightful F Subtlety T-shirts for this fine
music magazine.

GOTHICSLUTS.COM FREE PICTURE OF THE DAY
http://www.gothicsluts.com/cgi-bin/pix/pix.cgi?cat=gs
Forrest Black set it up so that Gothic Sluts now has a new free picture
of the day available for your entertainment every day. Bookmark the
page.

MARQUIS #29
The new issue of Marquis is out with Forrest Black and Amelia G's "Big
in America" column, but the Blue Blood crew has not seen the issue yet.
It hit German newsstands last week and should be available in the US
next.

CONTACT INFO REVISITED
You probably all know this by now, but, if you still have any of the
JPS.net e-mails in your address book, delete them as they have been
discontinued. Do not attempt to get in touch using Maryland, Virginia,
Georgia, or Beverly Hills contact info. All swag, contracts, review
materials, requests for interviews, jacuzzi suite upgrades, etc. should
be sent to:

Blue Blood
8033 Sunset Blvd #4500
West Hollywood, CA 90046
USA

Thanks!


--AMELIA G & FORREST BLACK
Amelia@BlueBlood.net & Forrest@BlueBlood.net

http://www.BlueBlood.net/

Feeling blue

Just woke up a few minutes ago. Drove myself so hard I fell asleep on the floor. I feel like when I'm posting all these cool things I've got going on, I should be fucking celebrating. But instead I am -- oh, fuck me, the fire alarm just went off

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Automated Suicide Note Generator

Click here to kill yourself

Feeling kinda better

I frequently tell people I am crazy, but I don't actually usually feel particularly loopy. Never accepted a prescription for loopiness etc.

I believe psychological pain is generally nature's way of telling you to change something you are doing.

As is probably obvious from recent, I've been feeling like crawling out of my skin lately though.

Now I just have to figure out how to change the bad things without changing the good ones too much.

Thanks for calling, Szandora. It helped to talk and I'm looking forward to seeing you.

Double thanks to my bro. Not sure what time it is in Japan, but I think it is really late and I appreciate you taking a couple hours to talk to me. It made a big difference. No doubt AT&T will appreciate it even more when I get my bill. :-)

Psychotic break

I guess I should probably go watch TiVo or something if I can't get anything productive done.

Otherwise, it is just a matter of time before I drive myself into a public psychotic break and that just won't do.

Thanks for all the supportive comments, folks. I'm going to attempt to take care of myself for a few and see how that goes.

Grabbing my tit

So the other day, I was trying to help a friend out with some hookup and some advice for his band. I was not dressed slutty at all. In the middle of me trying to talk business which was going to be way more of an advantage for him than for me, he grabbed my tit and commented that he felt my nipple because I was wearing a fairly casual stretch bra. I've lost a bunch of weight and need to buy new bras. At the time, I sort of laughed it off because the situation was already sort of tense and I didn't make a big deal of it. Only I thought we were friends. I was trying to do him a favor and he disrespects me as a woman. The more I think about it, the more I'm pissed off about it. Could just be the headspace I am in now, but . . .

Anyone here ever take the drug Levaquin?

Drenched in fever sweat

I think I am really sick.

I can't stay asleep for more than a few hours in a row.

I should probably not be posting to the internet just now. Or for the last few days.

I kept thinking I was cranky from PMS, except it seemed kind of like a lot too much so, and I keep thinking I'm going to be bleeding in about five minutes, only now my period is late.

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Fucking Up the Curve

So I always feel like no matter how much I accomplish, I am never good enough.

So why is it that other people are generally overwhelmed and intimidated by me?

How the fuck is it that I feel like I should somehow do more and be more and other people are always like stop fucking up the curve for everyone else?

18 or Dead

Had a great shoot tonight. Beautiful girl of a flavor I love to shoot, unique and individualistic and passionate and intense with a lot of star quality, great model and actual potential friend.

Fell asleep pretty soon after.

Still got a sad girl thing going on though.

Still got a sad artist thing going on.

Still got a disillusioned with what I used to care about thing going on.

I feel like I missed the boat believing in higher ideals while everyone else was out to for $$ or one-upping the next guy.

Some sexist bullshit from various adult webmasters I know is making me beserk.

Some sexist bullshit from various rocker guys I know is making me beserk.

I know I just have bizarrely bad PMS. Way worse than normal and way way worse than I've had it for a while. I don't usually drink, so maybe all the "fun" I've been having lately has caused this.

Whatever it is, I find myself wishing more and more often that I were either 18 or dead.

I'm not really a girl

So my family had a lot of dough when I was a kid.
A little girl in my class once asked me if my family was rich.
I asked my father if we were.
He said no, we were well-to-do.

My family is littered with ex-millionaires.
None of us like to buckle under to pressure even when the payoffs are huge.
Hubris, dignity, lack of materialism, inability to grasp the evil nature of our fellow man, one of those things.

I got good grades.
I went to a good school.
I graduated to become a broke-ass punk-rocker.
I was happy about a lot of things and thought I just needed to be more accomplished and be able to pay my bills.

Now I think I need some custom rims for my Town Car and probably a new Town Car to go with them.
I am so sick of biters who wish they could claim my accomplishments that I am afraid to state here what design I want for fear someone else will rip it off.

Now I think I need a three million dollar house so I can get a big dog who will love me the way I want to be loved.

Now I think I should have been a man.
My personality is so much better suited to being male.
Girls tend to change who they are based on who they are dating that week.
Boys tend to have stronger core senses of self.
Boys also tend to think they can't be friends with girls, but they sure wouldn't mind getting some sex.
A lot of times they don't even really want the sex, just feel obligated to pursue it.

I've got that horrible weepy sort of PMS that makes me feel like the biggest pussy in the universe.
Pardon the word choice.
I like to say cunt when I'm speaking from a position of power.

AMELIA G AND FORREST BLACK MODEL CALLS

Okay, I'm going to go through my friends list in a few for Portland cuties I have talked to before, but please please feel free to post to this thread. Please also repost this model call at will, especially to local groups. I know I usually tell folks not to post model queries in my personal journal, but this is an exception. Normally, submissions go to the general mailbox at sadistintern@blueblood.net, but I didn't have anyone check it for a couple weeks and it got so many tens of thousands of emails that it blew up and needs to be repaired, so do not email at this time.

Forrest made the mistake of taking a nap on a Saturday night, so I made reservations to go to Vegas and Portland. There is a possibility that either Szandora or Forrest will nix my plans by 11pm Monday, but after that the tickets are nonrefundable, bwa, ha, ha, ha . . .

MODEL REQUIREMENTS
You must be interested in both fashion and nude modeling.
You must be rockin' one or more of the following looks: gothic, punk, fetish, good tattoos, other damn weirdo individual.
You must be comfortable modeling at least topless and clear on what your personal limits are.
These are either paid gigs or content trade gigs if you have your own site.
Please post a picture(s) of yourself or a link to a picture(s) along with what magazines and web sites you are most interested in appearing in, what levels of nudity and/or explicit actitivy you are comfortable with/interested in doing on camera, and say whether you are in Portland or Vegas and whether you have your own site.
My journal autoscreens, so no one but me will see your post, so feel free to post personal stuff.

VEGAS MODELS November 9-11

PORTLAND MODELS November 11-15

Better Mood

PMS is much better.

Throat still hurts, but delivery chicken soup is helping and Forrest got me Advil and Tylenol and vinegar potato chips to scratch my throat with. Thanks Forrest!

Kind of enjoying the whole rainy night thing too.

Happy Halloween! Evil Gothic Pumpkin


Happy Halloween, everyone!



Feel better, Szandora.

Shower or Suicide, What'll I Do?

Bonus points for anyone who knows what that title is an allusion to.

Going to take a hot bath now. Maybe watch some TiVo after.

Happy Fucking Halloween

Every Halloween, I get the blues like regular people get 'em for Xmas. I just want everything to be so perfect and it used to be so important to me and now I just feel bleah.

I've got a really bad sore throat.

I've got PMS.

I had a lot of fun in Vancouver, but I'm having trouble adjusting to being online again now that I am home. It was making me nuts being without internet or cell phone, but I think maybe it was healthy. What if I am psychologically allergic to the internet? We are often addicted to the things we are allergic to.

If I am making so many new friends and my prospects are looking so up, why am I so depressed?

I know it is probably just a Halloween thing and a girl thing, but I'm so sad. I just don't want to have to be me.

:-(

I have PMS, a hideous sore throat, and a fever. This sucks.

Beer and Conversation

Went dive bar drinking tonight with someone I sort of know in a business context. Met him at a Sunset Strip party, but mostly know him online. Had a really great time. Talked about all sorts of different stuff.

And the evening ended better than the last one I had like that at that bar.

Last time I went there with a webmaster sorta person, I thought I was having this amazing great time and intense real conversation and, at the end of the night, the guy had a total temper tantrum and was like, well if you aren't going to fuck me or at least have me spend the night, then I guess I will see you at the next business convention.

The medication which is making my wisdom teeth sockets finally heal has the side effect of allowing me to drink alcohol again which I had developed something of an allergy to. I think I am really making up for lost time this week though.

Tales of Vancouver debauchery coming once I get more caught up on work.



Which reminds me that I better go watch this week's episode of The OC on TiVo now. I had some delightful sex earlier this evening, so I can't decide whether I will feel like masturbating to the show. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear.

I've been out of town

Actual information later.