Why is going out at night such a chore? I used to live for. I structured my whole life to make it more convenient and now I just don't feel like it. My hair is even blowdried already. But I'm sitting here in a damp towel trying to figure out an excuse not to go out. Only some old friends from DC are in town and e-mailed that they'd like it if I could meet them and I don't have a number for them and I really would like to see them.

I can't tell if it is the internet or Los Angeles or having taken up photography or my own evolution or some combo of the above which makes painting the town red seem like work. I just used to like putting on my cool weirdo clothes and seeing fun bands and hanging out because it was cool. Now everyone I run into is talking about the "industry" I am in and their "career" and how of course the "dream is to get paid for it."

I want to be successful in every sense, but I am so sick of people with cool hair who turn 30 and all of a sudden they start talking about how "classy" they are and making everything cool I do seem like it is stupid if I'm doing it for free or at personal expense.

I want to do cool things because I enjoy them, because they are good for the scene I enjoy, because I want my life to be art. If the dollar is supposed to be some sort of consolation prize for my scene secretly not being cool at all, I wish I had gone to graduate school and become a management consultant.

--Amelia G